Missed opporunity, or was it?

I think (seem to be doing this in high volumes as of late) every blog, whether it be mine or not, should start with a “shout out” to someone else. In my effort to start the shout out trend, I will holla (read this like Dan Majerle says it) at Mark, the geek of everything. (Read his full blog post on the situation at http://netg0d.blogspot.com/ ) Shortly after he had lunch, which I skipped for the fact that I actually had work to be done, he saw Britney Spears shopping at a toy store. I can’t help but notice that you took your sweet time trying to figure out the exact model and cost of the paparazzi’s cameras. This is truly a different approach than what I would have taken. When facing a situation such as this one, I would have done one of a couple of things.

A: Actually go into the store and let the queen of pop (I wonder if she will ever be in the same trouble as the king) know that she is your everything. The reason that you get up and get out of bed in the morning, or afternoon if you are Yarsh on a weekend, the reason that you love life, the reason that you feel like you can truly live life freely… ect. Follow this up by telling her that fate brought us together today and I would just love to get one picture with the woman who means so very very much to me. Of course she agrees to the photo opp (who could turn down such a stalking… I mean adoring fan?) and just as the flash bulbs are breaking you plant a huge kiss on her, then watch for your face to turn up on next weeks PEOPLE magazine with the headline reading something like; Britney’s New Love or Look Who The Real Father Is.

B: You go into the toy store and grab something stupid, like those “toys” that are nothing but twisted wires and plastic airplanes that just go back and forth, and tell her that this toy meant a lot to you as a kid and that you daughter Britney can not stop playing with it at home. She smiles at you to which you respond, “I named my daughter after you.” No doubt Britney responds with a. “That is so sweet.” (You know that every bone in her body is thinking, stalker, but she smiles and calls you sweet.) Ask Brit (By now we are good enough friends that I call her Brit And she calls me babe) if she could do me one small favor, “Would you name your kid after me? I mean I named my daughter after you, it’s only fair that you should do this for me.” This is where I would love to hear her try and nicely tell you no.

C: You finish eating lunch and see a bunch of excrement (my term of endearment for paparazzi) taking pictures of someone who you soon find out is none other than Britney Spears, you drool over the excrement’s cameras and then get in your car and drive to Mesa to help a friend move.

Alright you decide what you would have done.

Post it on the fridge, this is a good one.

Have you ever truly wondered what the world would be like without the influence of peers? Before you so quickly jump at this, think about it, I am not talking about peer pressure. Peer pressure generally involves some (insert synonym for JackAss here) trying to convince you that the previous umpteen years of your life are worth less because you have been without (insert what that slang term for donkey is trying to get you to take). Peer influence is more the little things in life, such as movies music and........ movies. Think about it how many times have you seen a comedy movie that was not as funny as you led yourself and others to believe just because everyone else said it was funny. Still not flowing with me? Hence example 1: Napoleon Dynamite. I know what you’re saying, "Oh my God he is not going to try and take credit away from the funniest movie ever, Gosh, what is he retarded!" (I am under the agreeance with Paul Shirley that the exclamation point is the most overused punctuation mark. So it shall only be used for points of true emphasis.) Yes I am going to take away from that movie. First I saw it three times in theaters, the first of which occurred after 2........ (What’s the word for friends that are not really your friends....... no not acquaintances......) "buddies" that said Napoleon Dynamite was "The funniest movie they had ever seen." I saw it and laughed, but not that good Dumb and Dumber laughing, that Hot Shots Part Duex laughing. You know, the one where you laugh and yet kind of look around and make sure everyone else thought it was funny and worth a laugh, and from there the laughter grows because everyone now is laughing at each other and not what truly made them grin in the first place. This I shall now call the Napoleon Dynamite Effect (N.D.E.)

Easily the funniest part of the movie was the very end (for those who have not seen the movie this spoils nothing as it is impossible to spoil a movie about nothing.) where he is break dancing at the school assembly. This is a genuinely funny moment (G.F.M.), More than likely because we all are either the school nerd who actually was faced with that situation, or you knew the school nerd and flashed back, like Vietnam, to your school days and re-lived the moment. Outside of that one G.F.M. the rest of the film is filled with bad acting, pointless direction, and Mormon cussing (which is only funny if you are close friends with a Mormon). Still I saw this "movie" three times in theaters because I bought into the chants and memorizing phrases of "funniest movie ever." Only after I bought the movie on DVD and sat and watched the movie ALONE in my room, did I come to the realization that I got fooled into seeing it three times in theaters and buying it on DVD all because some "buddy" of mine who's movie review I for some reason, unbeknownst to me, respected.

Here’s where this is coming from, three days ago I saw the movie Never Been Thawed (N.B.T.), a local budget film that has been dubbed "This years Napoleon Dynamite!" Jumping out of my comfortable bed at the ridiculously early hour of 11 am on Monday I ran to the local Harkins and sat ALONE in the theater and watched N.B.T. The plot of the movie was a group of people collect frozen entree' as a hobby, and on the side the lead character is the front man for a Christian rock band. If that does not strike you as hilarious I don not know what will. The movie turns out to be a poorly filmed extremely budgeted movie making fun of the hypocrisy of Christians and the lameness of collecting things. In it' lone G.F.M. a mom introduces her boy scout son to a deaf man and informs the ill hearing man that her son needs to learn sign language for boy scouts to earn a badge and she wants him to learn from someone who is actually deaf. She queries the man to see if he would help her son, to which he looks up at the kid raises his middle finger and says. "(insert non Mormon cuss word for what only moms and dads are supposed to do) YOU!" The rest of the movie hardly got a laugh out of me. I truly genuinely fear the N.D.E. (see above) to kick in for this movie. I fear those "buddies" in all of our lives who will see this movie and say it is the funniest movie ever, and fool you into actually believing it is. I will say this, the review got it right, it is this years Napoleon Dynamite, I just do not think they mean that in the same light as I do.

Stay tuned, as soon I will blog about how non conformist are truly more conformist than the ones that are conforming.