Potty Mouth

Reagan

2008-06-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

Most of you who are close to me know that I love dogs, especially my dogs, and especially my black lab Reagan. On Monday June 9th I had to put Reagan to sleep. Even writing those words now still evokes tears to stream from my eyes. The more that I have to relive Monday and the pain that it brought having to watch my puppy go to sleep in front of me and not wake up, the more it hurts, the more frustrated I get, and the more depressed I become.

I bought Reagan the day after I proposed to Jen. She was our engagement dog, and she was supposed to be with us for a long time. I got to raise Reagan as a puppy, with a ton of help from my dad, I got to teach her the things that I always wanted to have in a dog. My first day with her was spent throwing the ball around the backyard and her fetching. One thing Reagan always did was chew. She chewed up furniture at my parents house as a puppy; she chewed up my furniture after we got married. The list of things she chewed is quite long and not worth detailing here. But my favorite thing that I taught her to do was to cuddle. Now I am not foolish enough to think that I taught her how to cuddle and that’s that, because her personality was just so sweet that it brought her so much joy to cuddle and it was just something she did pretty naturally, but I encouraged it like crazy, and she would cuddle with anyone and everyone. It drove most visitors to our home nuts, but that’s who she was, she was a lap dog, a 45lb lap dog.

One night last week she threw up about 15 times in the middle of the night. The next day I took her to the vet, they checked her out and did x-rays and everything came back ok, so the vet gave her a couple of stomach flu shots and sent her home with me. Over the next couple of days she wouldn’t eat, it didn’t matter what I gave her, she just wouldn’t eat it. Reagan was always in our trash and up on the counters trying to get our food, so when she wouldn’t even touch a slice of pizza I put in front of her I knew something was seriously wrong. The weekend came and went and she just refused to eat, so I arranged for her to go to a different vet Monday morning.

I was at work joking around with my coworkers when Jen called me, she was crying so I knew it wasn’t good, Reagan had chewed something and it was stuck in her intestines. The doctors did the same exam as the other vet and could feel something stuck in her intestine track. I spoke with the doctor and heard my options. Option 1- $1,200-$1,500 surgery and have the item removed. Option 2- No surgery and Reagan dies at home suffering within a couple of days. Option 3- put her down.

Jen and I are not well off, we live paycheck to paycheck and we make enough to pay our bills and have a little bit of fun every so often. So needless to say we don’t have $1,500 sitting around to pay for the surgery and after speaking with the dr. a second time, he gave Reagan a 50% chance at living even with the surgery. I was not about to go home and watch her suffer for a couple of days just to have a little more time with her, I’m not that selfish or inhumane, so I made the decision to put her down. I left work and headed to the vet to say my goodbye. I got to the vet and went to the room where my crying wife was, they brought her in a couple of minutes later. The only thing I could do was fall to the ground and grab my puppy. I got to hold her for about 10 minutes; all 10 minutes were spent cuddling with her in my arms. I then had Jen go get the dr. and let them know I was ready. Within seconds of the injection she was gone and I was heartbroken. Even now I can not write this with dry eyes.

So heres the reality, Reagan was a dog.

And heres the truth, I don’t care if she was just a dog to you, she was a part of my family, she was a child to me, and I am broken by losing her.

The rest of the day was basically spent in tears between me and Jen. I had the support of my brothers through lunch and later was embraced by my closest friends who knew I had lost more than a dog.

As I was driving home alone Monday night I broke into to tears again, but this time God was teaching me something. I am not one to say that I heard the audible voice of God speaking directly to me, but rather God was giving me clarity and teaching me in this time of pain. Out of nowhere all I could think about were these words "how much more so do I love you".

The thing in all of this is that Reagan was a dog, she didn’t have any way to truly communicate with me, she had no way of telling me last week that she ate something and it was stuck in her throat and it eventually moved down into her intestines, she couldn’t hold my hand when I was lonely, I didn’t have a part in her birth or creation, Yet I loved her unconditionally without hesitation. Yet God was telling me “How much more so do I love you". In the midst of my tears I began to have some clarity, I began to gain some understanding. I am in so much pain over losing my dog, how much more pain does God feel when we turn from him. He created us, He had a hand in our birth, and He can and does communicate with us. How much more pain does Jesus feel when we turn our back on Him.

I will miss Reagan so much, I wish I had the money to pay for surgery because I would have done it without even thinking, yet I am grateful for what I have learned in these past few days. I picture God sitting there as I turn my back on Him throughout my daily life, and I just picture him cringing thinking "don’t you know how much I love you?" I wonder how much pain God felt when Adam and Eve sinned, “Don’t you know how much I love you?"

You see I have the ability to express my pain for Reagan, my tears are enough to say how much I loved her. And so I look at Jesus as a tear from God just for us saying, "this is how much I love you!"

The sports guy in me

2007-04-09T23:33:00.000-07:00

As all of you know I am a die hard sports fan, tonight I went to opening day for the diamondbacks (Funny how they call thier home opener "opening day"). first of all it was a great game, good seats and good company with that said it is time to rant on people who think they know, but really have no clue.

Nothing can drive me more crazy than that guy, you know the one who mis quotes stats, thinks good players are great and great players are good. That guy annoys the piss out of me. Unfortunately tonight he was sitting to my left. He was the guy who played little league and no more, was probably the right fielder and batted 11th in the order. The kid on my team was named Joe so I named the annoying guy Joe for the night.

He knew a little about the game, which is fine, he knew a couple of corrects stats, and thats cool. However he was truly clueless when it came to talent judging and knowing situations. What made Joe even worse was that he was there with a girl, and was "showing off" to the girl with his outbursts of idiocy. The best was when he sang his own words to take me out to the ballgame and start laughing hysterically at his version. To which of course I responded with the loudest fkest laugh I had in me. Of course he thought I was seriously laughing with him and thats when he went for the high five. Of course I didnt return the gesture and continued my fake laugh in his face.

Thanks for the memories Joe.

Heres the point of all of this, any time you go to a sporting event there is always a Joe within nearshot of you. You just probably dont him hear, but I do, and now since you will be looking for Joe next time you go to a game, remeember the best remedy is a simple moking of Joe and his lack of knowledge.

Actually now that I think about, there is no point to this post. Lets just leave it at that I hate Joe.

Joe, you suck!

Yeah I can do it there too.

2007-04-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

I remember one of the first blog posts I ever read, it was from Mark and he was at a Diamondbacks game and was blogging about blogging from his blackberry at the game. Well I am at work and blogging from my sidekick 3. Now its time to get back to work.......

This is my strength, oh and my weakness

2007-04-01T18:23:00.000-07:00

I am amazed at how string willed I am some times and then other times I am incredibly weak. Allow me to show a piece of my life.

I am string willed in my convictions. Hence I have never been drunk, I have never done drugs, and I was a virgin when I got married.

And then there is the side where I cripple like a school boy in front of the schools hottie, and it is always over money. I like things, like a lot of things! Not to show off to people, but because it gives me a sense of fullfillment. It isnt even big things, I love getting shorts, Movies, t-shirts, video games. I love my new truck and the PS3. I love buying stuff! and lately I have gotten into one of the biggest money spenders you could ever get into, trading cards.

Yes, I am like a kid again, buying sports cards. It started at sports authority when I bought 1 pack with a buddy of mine, then it turned into a box from Walmart, and now, I cant get enough. My biddy and I even created a draft for buying a box of cards. We split the box and then go to someones place and open half the pack and have a draft and slowly open the remaining packs to complete the board. There are rules and everything, lots of them, it's crazy, but it is so freaking fun.

And that brings me to today, where I am dying to get a 1976 Walter Payton rookie card and a 1966 Gale Sayers rokkie card. The sad part is I actually talked the PalmercatGal into letting me buy them. We are talking about the prospect of spending over 150 bucks on 2 cards!

Crazy, yes, but I love to do it. and so my weakness shines.

So i guess the moral of the story is this: If you want me to drink or do some drugs, you have little chance, unless there are some cards involved, then all bets are off.

P.S. If you have a card collection, I am your man to give it to. errrr sell it too.... errr. CRAP!

South Park

2007-03-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

I hardly ever catch a full episode of South Park, I generally leave it to friends to tell me about parts of episodes that I need to see. Well lets just say that after mutch searching I have found links to some of my favorite clips of the show and here they are:

Evolution explained

N_ggers

Hell orientation

Thats all I got for now so enjoy and until next time.

The name is Crap, James Crap

2007-03-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

I figure that since my last post (over 7 months ago) was a movie review the best way to come back is with a movie review. As the title says I am sure that you could come to the conclusion that I do not like Bond movies. Call me a girl or whatever you may, I just do not enjoy them. All the supposed great ones were told old for me to enjoy as a kid and well the Pierce Poopman years are a joke.

I just cant get into this cookie cutter series of movies. Crazy maniac wants to take over world, Bond snogs 4 girls, 1 of them gets captured and 1 of them is evil, Bond fights crazy maniac man and wins, thus the world is saved and we can all leave the theater happy.

Needless to say when the latest Bond came out into theaters and all my chums who so dearly love Bond went and saw it at midnight, I was at home sleeping and not wasting my time. Casino Royale came out on video a couple of weeks ago and I found myself in an odd positions as I was at the electronics of Fry's.

The sign read, BluRay DVD Casino Royale SALE 22.99, yes I have a bluray player (thank you PS3) and I absolutely love watching movies in BluRay. So the dilema was do I buy a movie I know I am going to hate, or do I buy a movie I know I am going to hate that is on BluRay. So I bought the freaking movie.

2 weeks passed and the movie sat on the player unwatched when one Saturday night I decided it was time to watch a movie. Choices were Gladiator or the new Bond. I chose Bond, only because Gladiator is a regular DVD.

I watched the Bond and I loved it. It was so unlike every Bond I had seen before. This Bond was like Greg House, a jerk but so cool it didnt matter. Yeah he flag the girls and saved the day but it was so much cooler than anything I had seen in a Bond movie, After watching the movie and thinking abnout how much I enjoyed it, this thought came to mind:

Broznan is to Bond as Clooney is to Batman.

The official Palmercat score: Hell Yeah!

P.S. with my new blogging theory, I know there will be typos and terrible punctuation. and I dont really carebecause I am thinking freely and as long as i am on the throne nothing can bring me down........except those fissures.

Tis a Good Time to Review Some Things

2006-08-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since I reviewed anything, so I am going to make this a review post.

Kellogs released a new breakfast bar called “Go-Tarts”. It’s an on the go Pop-Tart. I had my first one about five minutes ago, and could go without having one ever again. Are Pop-Tarts not “on the go” enough? I mean I know its hard to unwrap that silver stuff they package them in, its slightly harder to tear than tin foil, and then proceed to eat the Tart. You could do this anywhere! Also the Tart is very versatile, you can heat it up in the toaster, the microwave, the toaster oven, the oven, or you could just eat it as is out of the wrapper. Also everyone knows the best part of the Tart is the frosting. Have you ever had one of those Tarts without frosting, yeah they are unbearable. The Go-Tart has a serious lack of frosting and way too much of that crust stuff. Add that on to the fact that there is simply not enough filling and you have yourself a pretty crappy breakfast bar.

Official Palmercat Score: 3/∞

Now let’s move on to movies, I finally saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2 last weekend and I think this is a good place to review Footloose.

I was getting in bed last and the Palmercat Gal had fallen sleep to none other than the 80’s classic Footloose. I remember watching the movie as a kid and thinking that Kevin Bacon’s character was so cool. I watch the movie now, and he was clearly gay. The reason that this is a classic 80’s movie is that if it came out today, no one would go see it. Even if they updated the filming the story is terrible, dancing is really not outlawed anywhere, and no one wants to see a movie about dancing anymore. (Step Up is going to absolutely bomb, I promise.) The movie does have some redeeming qualities, If you know the Palmercat you know that he is a sucker for montages, and this movie is not short on them at all.

Thinking back now I don’t think there is any difference between the montage in Footloose where Bacon is looking back on all that has gone wrong and start frolicking around an abandoned warehouse (where there is a mysterious illegal poetry library and some train tracks) and the montage in Rocky 4 when Rocky goes speeding off into the night after Apollo dies and he gets into a fight with Adrienne. No difference, except for all the frolicking.

However there is an absolutely classic laugh out loud, this is so ridiculous, montage. After the kids get the ok to have the dance in the basement, it cuts to a scene of Bacon riding a dirt bike, and then his 2 friends come in from the side and join him on his ride. The very next shot they all have girls on the back of their bikes. Next thing you know there’s like 20 of them all on dirt bikes heading out to decorate for the dance. This scene is topped off by the gay sand bag tossing from person to person to cover 10 feet of space and then Ariel switching on the lights and mass hysteria ensues over the fact that they decorated a warehouse basement for a dance. Simply classic.

Also I bet you can’t name a more famous movie with more B-list actors as leads. Bacon, Sara Jessica Parker, Chris Penn, Dianne Wiest, John Lithgow, Lori Singer.

Official Palmercat Score: 7/10

Are You Ready For Some Futbol?

2006-08-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

Four years ago I spent 2 ½ weeks in Europe. Most of my time was spent in Spain, I did go to Morocco for a day and stayed in London for 3. While in Spain I got really sick and had to spend a lot of time in our hotel trying to get better. This illness which we called the “chupacabres”, caused me to watch a lot of tv. This was a problem as I don’t speak Spanish, however I do speak sports. Unfortunately for me the NBA and NFL seasons were over, No one watches Hockey (I actually do), and Europe hates baseball. So I spent weeks watching none other than soccer, or “futbol” if you will.

The first time I flipped on the tube and searched for something either sounding like English or resembling sports, I came across a USCNN channel. While it was in English watching CNN is like watching your sister make out with someone. I would rather just not do it. So I kept on flipping, Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Arabic, Spanish, Fuzz…… I couldn’t win, then “futbol”. I was like well it’s kind of a sport, I guess I can fall asleep to this.

Four matches and 10 hours later I was hooked. I couldn’t get enough soccer. On top of that it was right at the end of the Euro Soccer Championships, and David Beckham, the worlds most famous soccer player, had just been traded (or signed) to Real Madrid, who played just hours from where I was so everyone in the town was going nuts over the signing. Everywhere I looked it was soccer, even on USCNN they wouldn’t stop talking about Beckham going to Real Madrid. For the next couple of weeks I watched soccer, lots and lots of soccer, it was great. By the end of the trip I owned a Beckham English National Team jersey! The my soccer world came crashing down as I boarded a plane to come home. For some reason (I actually know why) America has no desire to watch or support soccer. When I landed why love for soccer died and hid itself never to be found again……..

Until I got off a plane that had just landed Guatemala, I felt soccer rejoin my life when I stepped off the plane. Yeah it helped that we were right in the middle of the World Cup. But all of the people who worked at the airport had Brazil lanyards around their neck to support their 2nd favorite National team. I could feel the excitement rise in me, I could watch soccer again and the people around me would love it and even know more than I did (this is a rare occurrence when it comes to me and sports). I was able to watch most of the rest of the World Cup in Guatemala (mainly because the country shut down for matches, seriously our schedule was based around the cup).

I was able to purchase four jerseys while I was in Guatemala: Guatemala National Team, Brazil National Team, Real Madrid and the new English National team. But this time I was different, I was not going to give up my love for futbol again. It may seem slow (it’s really not), It is low scoring, yeah they flop like fish out of water, but it is extremely entertaining.

I said Beckham was the worlds most famous player, but Ronaldinho is the best! (Click his name and watch in amazement, even soccer haters will give this guy props.)

Also I have chosen Liverpool as my English Premiere team based off an Article by Bill Simmons, I will be ordering their jersey soon and rooting them on next year.

Get Out Of Jail Free

2006-07-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

You know those times in life where you spend too much time in or on something and you devote hours of your free time to creating or perfecting something and then all of a sudden it gets deleted or ruined? Well that happened to me this morning….. and I couldn’t be happier!

I got to work this morning and was doing my daily web searches, they go as follows:
Yahoo Mail, Yahoo Fantasy Sports, AZ Central Sports, ESPN, Craigslist, w00t, GMail, Techbargains, and finally and sadly…. MySpace.
I was going through the routine which generally takes about an hour or so out of my work schedule, and got to the point where I check myspace. I entered my signin info and here is what I was told:

The friend ID you entered has either been deleted by the user or by the host.

What!!???? You mean I got deleted…… SWEET!!!

No longer do I need to waste my time searching for friends or sending lame comments back and forth. I no longer have to hear some of the worst music known to man. Never again shall I spend endless hours looking at pictures of friends I just saw. No more web browsers crashing because the site is terrible, no more pictures of Richard Simmons telling me to have a gay day. I am officially free of the weight of Myspace, I feel like a whole new person. I feel like celebrating.

Thank you internet Gods for taking care of this problem for me, I don’t know if I could ever repay you.

NOTE: As soon as I was done typing up this post, I made one final stop to see if my profile was still deleted, and of course it wasn’t! Well back to being a slave…..

Enjoy You "Fortune" Cookie

2006-07-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

Last night I had some Chinese food with my brother. It was a good meal, Jade Palace usually is, once we got our bill it was time to distribute the fortune cookies. Fortune cookies are called that because they contain a small piece of paper inside the cookie that has a short fortune for you. Over the past couple of years, the world has become more and more “PC” about what is written and just handed out. This has affected the fortune cookie world.

I open my fortune cookie last night and here is what I read:

“Be a good sport and you can’t fail!”

What!!?? How in the hell is that a fortune? You are telling me that we have become so “pc” insane that a fortune cookie is now just a saying. What happened to the good old days where your cookie said things like, “someone has a crush on you and will reveal it soon” or “you will be coming into some money soon” or even “don’t cross the street tomorrow or you will be hit by a van”. (I made that last one up, but I think clearly it would be the best fortune cookie ever.)

I guess my real problem is that we continue to call these things fortune cookies. If the waiter had said, “would you like your saying cookie?” I could have said no, and gone on with my night. But he didn’t, he delivered the fortune cookie with no warning that I was about to read something like “100 pennies = a dollar. Lucky numbers: 1, 11, 111.” I was not warned and wasted time reading the stupid thing and now I am wasting everyone’s time by writing about the stupid thing! All I want is to get a fortune cookie that actually has a stupid fortune in it.

I could write about this some more but it is time to leave work… See you later.

Thank You Sir May I Have Another

2006-07-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

As promised here are some more pictures from the Guatemala trip along with some wonderful color commentary that is sure to land me a job announcing curling matches for fox next year.

That my friends is the volcano that exploded. unfortunetly it was last year and I was not within 5,000 miles of it. Some people have all the luck!

Palmercat Gal was so amazed that the kids in Guatemala have triangle shaped desks she couldnt take the picture in focus.

Most of our team stayed in local homes and ate breakfast with thier housing families. I, on the other hand, stayed in a hotel and had to wake up to this view every morning. The worse part of staying at the hotel was that I didnt get a chance to try the world famous Guatemalan gourmet breakfast "Mushy Pushy". Once again, some people have all the luck

Trees and water........ thats all I got.

Some people travel in style...... we traveled in a large van. Driven by a world famous driver named Danika Patrick.... Ohhh wait his name was Jugo. Sorry my bad.

Taxis in Guatemala consist of a pick-up truck, side railings and a wood beam. we managed to get 10 Gringos in one truck. we thought we had set a record when a "taxi" drive by carrying 47 Guatemalans. Man, they know how to pack! I wish the Palmercat Gal could take some lessons for her luggage.

Getting out of the Taxi's was alot harder than it looked.... now lets hug it out

One of these things is not like the other..... If you guessed Luis, the Guatemalan clown, you are correct.

This is a little game called Survivor. Unfortunetly for COCO she did not.

Or did she?

I'M THE KING OF THE........ BROKEBACK???? I mean who are these guys?

Here is the Arch de Triumph. Its just like the one in Paris, but not as girly.

Just going out to mow the lawn

White me can dance.... Oh wait, nope, they still cant.

Thats all for the pictures, enjoy them, set them as your desktop backround, print them out and sell them. Just make sure that you remember who loves you.

Ahhh Finally

2006-07-14T13:45:00.000-07:00

It has been an amazing last couple of weeks. I spent this past week getting reaclimated to the USA and my job. I was in Guatemala from June 30th – July 10th. If you want details on what went down while I was in Guatemala check out our team blog

I thought I would post some pictures from my trip here for your viewing pleasure. So enjoy!

The Team

The Boys

The most wonderful Girl is in the middle and a nice valcano to boot!

This is how you dominate Guatemalans in basketball. they later showed us how to play soccer.

Yes Guatemala is absolutely beautiful.

This is what happens when the girls got bored of watching the world cup.... or was it one of our billion basketball games? I'm pretty sure it was from soccer.... anyways when girls get bored they get creative, when I get bored I just fart.

The road to Lake Atitlan. I thought it was just another bad movie sequel, but aparently it was just a dangerous poorly paved road in Guatemala.

Welcome to the Lake. I tried to get Sean Connery to record this for me, but he was unavailable.

Lake Atitlan, considered one of the most beautiful places in the world by some old explorer. Apparently he had never seen the Arizona Desert, now that is beautiful.

Ladies and gentleman, I am an actor!

Friends and Family, I give you COCO!

The human jungle Gym!

We worked with kids in the loacl town at different schools, it was quite eye opening.

I told you Guatemala was beautiful..... oh wait.... Yep it's still a third world country!

I will post more on monday, until then, have a great weekend and its great to be home.

Wow!

2006-06-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

Craigslist is pretty cool, however today when I was searching it, it became awesome. Check out this add for a free palm tree.

RRRRRRR!!!!!!!

2006-06-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

I know this is lame, but I stumbled across this while I was googling my death prediction (Which said I will be elected Governor at age 93). So I decided that being a pirate was better than dying..... However still not as good as being a ninja (Unosuke Kosugi -san).

My pirate name is:

Bloody Harry Cash

Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Thr Grimm Report

2006-06-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, whether you like baseball or not, Jason Grimsley, former Diamondbacks pitcher, has admitted to the use steroids, amphetamines and human growth hormone (HGH). There has been a lot of reaction to this around the baseball world, in the media, by fans, and people who hate sports all together. Here is my take on the situation and what is getting lost in all of this mess.

First if you are in the last group of people I listed above…. SHUT UP! You have no idea what you’re talking about. This is not just “another reason for you to hate sports”. I don’t have a problem with anyone who does not like sports, I do have a problem when people who do not like sports try and comment, and more importantly think they are right, on things relating to sports. I don’t sit here writing about the economic structure we have in the US. Why? Because I do not know enough about the topic to think I have an opinion that A) matters and B) should be heard.

The baseball world has been shaken hard by this latest scandal. There have been a lot of things written and said about this, most of them degrading Jason Grimsley and making him out to be a trader to the sport and his teammates. In the report filed in court, Grimsley has named names of people in baseball who use performance enhancing drugs. Jeff Nelson was quoted as saying that he needs to shut his mouth and accept his consequences. White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has basically stated the same thing and then some.
Here is my problem with all of this. Jason cheated, that is true and he has admitted to it, but he has not rolled over on his teammates or his former teammates. In a statement by Jason he said that investigators showed up at his house in April the same day a shipment of HGH arrived. Since that day he has cooperated with the government, until they asked him to wear a wire in the clubhouse and try to get dirt on teammates and Barry Bonds. Grimsley refused this request and the feds went public with his report. This does not sound like a guy who rolls over on his teammates. When asked about the names he named in the report, he said he never named names but only answered questions that he was asked.

So now he is getting killed in the media and in the baseball world for telling the truth! Isn’t this exactly what we are always upset with Bonds, the fact that he continues to deny his use and claim ignorance to a grand jury. Here we have a guy who got caught and has answered all the questions honestly and refused to be a mole in the clubhouse. The night the report about his use of performance enhancing drugs came out, he went to the Diamondbacks GM, Josh Byrnes, and asked for his release because he did not want his teammates to go through the media circus he would bring. This does not sound like a bad teammate or a snitch.

Jason cheated and for that he is guilty. But as the days go by and the original shock of the situation has cleared it is time to give the guy a break. He is not an evil person, he is not the Anti Christ of baseball, he is a guy who saw how he could get an edge and took it. He got caught and admitted it unlike most players who get caught (just read up on Rapheal Palmero, Barry Bonds’ grand jury testimony, and every other player who tested positive and blamed it on “over the counter supplements”.)

So Jeff Nelson, Ozzie Guillen, media, fans just shut up about the issue. Lets chill out and see what MLB and the MLBPA does about HGH testing (since the only way to detect HGH is through blood tests). Jason Grimsley is out of baseball, his career is over, he will be chided on the streets whenever someone recognizes him, but in the end he is just the latest player to get caught in an era full of cheaters and liars. At least he can’t be called liar.

It's My Life, and It Raised.....

2006-06-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

38.1 and counting, on a movie that depicts my life. The Breakup is funny, it was entertaining, it got sappy, it was a chick flick. But most of all it was me! Vaughn’s character was me! I’m serious, go see the movie and try and tell me that that movie is not an accurate depiction of my life. The only thing is that the Palmercat Gal and I never broke up and I don’t lead city tours around Phoenix on a double deck bus. After you see the movie and realize that that is my life, you should feel 2 things.

1. I am pathetic
2. Sorry for the Palmercat gal

……Writers block………….

Here are some random tidbits from my week.

• Mentos + Diet Coke = Awesome
• Diet Coke + Pavement = What I am doing on Saturday
• Myspace is incredibly lame. But once you get on it and start cruising around you cant stop. It is officially heroin of the internet.
• Everyone wants a puppy until they get one. If Lilly weren’t so freaking cute she would be a goner by now. She really needs to learn that it is not ok to lick my head at 3:37 every morning and that the carpet is not her grass field to relieve herself whenever she feels necessary….every 5 minutes.
• The Suns…. ….. . . . . . ……. …….(tear) .. … . ……..Theres always next year! (right?)
• Horray the Diamondbacks are playing good ball……. Son of a B, baseball is the only sport going right now that matters….. until June 9th and the World Cup begins! Then it is back to baseball for the rest of the summer…. Son of a B! (Sorry for using such harsh letters)

Back to work now…….

The Last Stand, lost, and No Sports!

2006-06-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

I know that not all of my readers are fans of sports, so I am going to try and post without mentioning sports. So here it goes….

The Last Stand:

I had a read a partial review of the movie before it came out, and this “partial review” was about three sentences long, in this review contained major plot twists! What the hell! How do you write a mini review and reveal to casual readers, who are just checking to see your score on the film, what is going to happen throughout the course of a movie. I mean seriously how much of a jerkass are you? That would be like me writing this mini review of the 3rd Matrix movie:

Wonderful special effects, the plot was a bit slow and much to hard to grasp. The action carries the movie as the dialogue tries to slow it down. If there is going to be a fourth installment to the series it will be interesting to see how Neo escapes the computers and deals with life without Trinity. 58/100.

If someone had actually written that before the movie was released, and you read it, there would be hell to pay. How stupid have writers become? Anyways…. The movie overall was not a great movie. But it was enjoyable and really entertaining. I would say if you liked the first 2 go see the third, but make sure you have not seen the other 2 within the past year and a half, as they are much better.

I have officially stopped watching Lost. It really is crappy. I endured over one and a half seasons for nothing. I know no more now then I did when I started watching. I did not see the last 3 episodes this season, but you know what, I can sleep fine. This is a sure tell sign that the show no longer has a grip on you. For instance:

I was at gam………ummmm not home for the 2 hour season finale of 24 a couple of weeks ago. I got home really late and started to “borrow” the episodes from a cool website, they didn’t work and I couldn’t see it that night. That was the worst night of sleep I have had in a long time. 24 owns me, Lost does not.

Besides the fact that it sucks, its really slow. I mean really really slow. Its like watching a replay of golf…… I mean it’s like watching rocks. Nothing happens. Ever. Then all of a sudden something happens and your like, cool it got good, then back to the rocks. If Lost wants to get watching again here is what needs to happen.

• The Chinese couple need to die. Episodes about them are the worst.
• Mr. Echo needs to become the 4th most shown person behind Jack, Kate, and Locke
• Sawyer needs to either die or become an other.
• The island needs to be explained a little more in EVERY episode.

They really should hire me as a writer. I know I can do a better job than what they have going now. I would love to sit on their creative writing meetings. You know there is like one guy who has all these amazing ideas and he sits in the corner handing them out and gets shut down every time. Because there were some good episodes, and I credit those episodes to the corner guy.

That’s all I got for now. Until next time, Go Suns! I mean…. Go Suns! Sorry I couldn’t do it.

4 More Games and Counting

2006-05-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

Well my fate has been sealed. I will be dead by game 5. Will someone let me know what happens when you see me in the afterlife. Seriously we are one game into this series and I almost had a meltdown in front of my students last night at church.

There is no such thing as reality T.V. it does not exist. It never has. Survivor fixed, Big Brother fixed, Unanimous fixed, yes even the WWF is fixed! As well as American Idol. Every winner has been so predictable. Other than the first year when Kelly Clarkson won, someone who was clearly not the best has won. And there is a reason for that, when you loose shockingly everyone will remember you. Kelly deserved it and won because she was the first. But think of this who has a better career Rueben Studdard or Clay Aiken? Who won last year? ……. Exactly but I bet you can name 5 people voted off way too early and Bo, whats his name, already has a video. So thank you FOX and American Idol I am excited to hear Chris Daughtry’s debut album and watch it sell through the roof. Congrats Taylor, I will see you at Rock N Fish on Friday, is it your turn to do Sweet Caroline or is it mine.

Did I mention yet that the Suns are going to make a widow of the Palmercat Gal?

Lilly starts dog training classes on Tuesday. Ill be watching game 4 (my last night on earth) while the P.G. takes Lilly to Petco. Have fun sweety, tell Lilly I love her and to stop peeing on the freaking carpet every 7 minutes and 38 seconds.

Don’t you think that when you get trained on 2 different jobs you should get 2 salaries? I mean isn’t that logical?

24 season finale…….. Absolutely absurd. They crossed ridiculous lines that only Arnold movies cross. I mean it was so, so, so unrealistic I was sitting there watching it thinking what would be the most ludicrous thing that could possibly happen, then I would blurt it out to the Palmercat Gal, and then it would happen. I seriously went like 6/7 on absurd ideas that actually happened. So you catch my drift…. It was amazing! I loved every second of it and I cant believe I have to wait until January 2007 to see what the hell happens next. Unfortunately for me I will be gone for 5 months by that times as the Suns will have sent me to my grave (I mentioned that didn’t I?)

Bang

2006-05-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

There are few times in life when sports deliver a where were you when moment. It’s even more rare when it happens to a team that you love. In my life I have one such moment one almost moment, and two I cant believe it happened against me. The DBacks winning the world series, KJ Dunks on Hakeem in game 7 of the west finals and finishes with 46 points in a loss, Mario Ellie’s 3 from the corner to end KJ’s game 7 and John Paxon’s 3 from the arch to seal the 93 finals. Then there is this years Suns team.

This is a team that A) maybe should not have even made the playoffs without their most dominant player let alone win their division and B) refuse to quit no matter how bleak the situation seems to be.

I thought for sure that when Tim Thomas drilled the three to send game 6 of the Lakers series to OT it would be the the where were you moment of the playoffs…… Then came Raja Bells 3 from the corner with 1 second left to send game 5 of the Clippers series to double OT and eventually send Phoenix fans home happy.

I just happened to be at game 5 when Raja hit the “Shot heard round Phoenix.” I was sitting at work and feeling like I needed to go to the game. I jumped on Ebay and got a screaming deal on tickets right on the baseline……… of the upper deck. I took my mom and called it a late mothers day gift. It just so happens that the baseline we were on was the one that the Suns would scoring on in the second half of the game. With 3.8 seconds left and the Suns down 3 the inbound came to Raja and he went straight up with it and hit the prettiest shot I have ever seen. As soon as it left his hand I knew it was good. The Suns went on to cream the Clips in OT #2.

I have long debated with my parents that I would rather see a close game that we win than a blowout that we win. I went game 7 last night, now I have experienced both and I can say that a blowout is fun but nothing like seeing your team fight through adversity and hit an improbable shot to keep your hope in them alive. The blowout was a freaking party, just ask the 2 clippers fans who sat next to me last night. But the Raja shot was undeniably so much better. I mean if he misses it you go home sulking (or at least I do) If he makes it you go nuts (and I did). The debate is over, I won!

2 series down and I have had almost 2 heart attacks. So here’s hoping the Suns don’t kill me.

Real Quick

2006-05-19T10:27:00.000-07:00

A couple of quick notes I want to add to the blog before I turn in a classic “Sports Guy” esque bit on Game 5 of the Suns and Clippers series.
1. Yesterday 5/18 was the Palmercat Gal’s B-Day. Happy B-Day Babe enjoy the puppy!
2. I was at Game 5 for the “shot heard round Phoenix”. (That’s what I’m calling it anyways.)
3. My new job is good. I am almost at the three week mark and thus I will soon be asked to leave.
4. Congrats to the Bergers on their twins.
5. Mr Clean……. Awesome!

When Opportuniy Knocks, Do You Answer?

2006-05-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

I did.

For the past two years I have spent 2 weeks of my “summer” (Summer no longer exists when you don’t go to school. It is just known as that really really hot time of the year.) in Alaska preaching at a youth camp for 5th and 6th graders. I was all set to return for a third straight year, when I was given the opportunity to help lead a missions team that is going to Guatemala.

So here I am, missing the preparation for Alaska, but excited to be going to Guatemala.

And right about now your wondering why this is being posted….. so Ill tell you.

We need support! Yeah!

Here are some ways in which you can help.

1. Prayer! I know you all thought I was ganna put money but nope, prayer is the most important thing we could receive. Please pray for our safety for the people that we will encounter in Guat.
2. Money. We have a team need of $30,000.00! If you are interested in supporting the team you can either straight up donate the money, it’s 100% tax deductible, or come to our garage sale on the 19th and buy stuff!

Those are our major needs, if you can help out at all it would be gladly appreciated. If you don’t or cant help out, I will pray for your soul………..

Love you guys!

Palmercat

Yes Life Is A ....

2006-05-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a crazy past month and a half. I have been through a lot emotionally, but I have come out on the other side ready to blog again. First things first.

DESERT HILLS BANK SUCKS MY NUTS.

And now back to our regularly scheduled post…

I have been out of work for the past month, I just recently started a new gig with a cool company. The job is alright but I like my coworkers and the company. Here is what I have discovered in my recent time without a job….. again…..

1. If I had a dollar for everytime I played someone in MLB 2K6 on 360 I would have a good amount of money. If I had $10 for everytime I won, I would be doing great.
2. I did not get paid to play the 360.
3. Getting a job was a lot harder than expected. I couldn’t believe how many doors were closed before finally landing this new gig.
4. Insise Man was good, United 93 was better, House rocks, Lost is crappy… but then it was good, 24 has thrown all logic out the window and nothing is making sense any more, Audrey and Jack keep kissing… so yes she will be dead in 2 hours. The best part is that 24 is still amazing! I cant not watch the show no matter what! I can think an episode sucked and the next morning I am jacked up about next weeks episode, it’s crazy.
5. foosball is the equivalent of awesome
6. I needed a job.

The best part of the last week was when I almost died. When Tim Thomas shot the three to tie game 6 my heart stopped. I am not kidding, you can ask the Palmercat Gal. When it finally went in (funny how the entire world slowed down) My heart started again but at an incredibly fast and unhealthy rate. In related news, I am unhealthy.

It’s so funny to me that the Suns can own a town by taking three games and then being like, Hey just kidding. Seriously Phoenix is more in love with the Suns right now than they were at any point last year, and even back in 93. This fact sucks for me because I cant get my hands on decent priced tickets anymore. Seriously where were all of you 3 years ago with “Starburry” I was at the games cheering my crappy team on. Now I cant……. You get the point I hate the sports environment in this town! I mean the cardinals freaking sold out their stadium….. unbelievable.

Time to get back to work now, Till tomorrow…….. or the day after……...

Hey (say it slowly and like your hitting on someone)

2006-03-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

I know I said I would be updating more frequently last week, but this week has been so freaking busy it was ridiculous. Check this schedule out.

Monday: Work 7:30-4:15. That means I woke up at 5:30.
Dream Theater Concert. My brother got me a ticket to the show for my birthday. It was awesome! But it started at 8 p.m. and the played for 3 and a half hours! I got home at about 12:15 a.m.

Tuesday: Work (see above) Traffic was awful on the way home. I got home a little after 5 and turned around and went straight to my in-laws for dinner. We got home from the in-laws and caught most of House. Then I had to watch 24 from the night before. Got to bed around 11:30

Wednesday: work (see above above) Went straight to church after work was in the office for a couple of hours then went to the house church. Got home at 10:15. 24 was a double episode on Monday and on Tuesday I barely made it through the first so I watched the second episode. Sleeping at 12:15.

Thursday: Work (if you don’t know by now….) Went home and was going to take a nap…. But the new Ghost Recon 360 came out, so I played that rather than napping. Then the Palmercat Gal and I went to the Suns vs Spurs game (she got me tix for my b-day) The suns got waffled! The game started at 8:30 p.m. and we got home at 11:30. Sleeping at 12:00.

Friday: Work. Got home and cleaned up the backyard as we were having dinner with another couple. Shaved, not bic’ed, my head, showered, got dressed the doorbell rang, cooked steaks, ate, hungout and watched wild boyz until 11 p.m. Friends left I finished another W.B. episode and called it a night. I fell asleep around 12:15 after watching an episode of House.

Today: Woke up by my dog at 5 a.m. because it was raining. I walked to the back to door to let her out and there was like this wet stuff falling from the sky. I was so confused because I had not seen such a thing in ages. I ran to the computer to see what this strange phenomenon was called and sure enough it is called “rain”. At 1 my family is gathering for a late lunch and a poker game in celebration of Yarsh’ birthday. Then Pudd is throwing a chocolate fondue party because her parents are gone for the week. I am sure we wont be home again tonight until 11 or so…….

This has been the busiest week in recent memory. Here’s hoping that next week will be a little more relaxed.

I be a working man... well soon enough that is.

2006-03-01T21:58:00.000-08:00

That’s right my friends I am back! As many of you know I “lost” (lost= a Costa Rican took) my job on January 31st. Well over the past four weeks I have done….. nothing. My days consisted of “waking up” (Waking up=when Reagan (my dog, (can you use parentheses inside of parentheses?))would lick my face to let me know it was almost lunch time.) I would play some Xbox360 have lunch go to the church to fulfill some intern duties then head home and meet the wife for dinner. I would then usually watch whatever show was on until about 10 p.m. then I would put the wife to bed and go play some more video games or watch whatever reality show was on Mtv or VH1. I probably averaged going to bed around 2 a.m. I would wake up and do it all over again.

This has been an awesome month! Until I look back and realize how much time I wasted doing nothing when I could have been reading or studying something. But this time of my life officially ends on Monday when I start my new job! I realized I was running out of money and my wife doesn’t make more than someone who works at In and Out. So I got off my ass… I mean butt and got a job. I will be working for Desert Hills Bank on 30th street and Camelback. They are a small bank in Arizona, only 3 branches in the state, but they pay great! I will be making more than I was at Hell… I mean Trax.

The people seem cool and the hours are good. It will suck to have to back to wearing dress clothes every day but I can handle it. So here are som observations over the past month that I have made:

1. XBOX 360 is amazing. I absolutely love it.

2. Jared Reasey is an awesome guy but if you want to get under his skin just start an argument. Really any argument will send him into a state of frustration beyond belief. I have found this to be highly entertaining since Jared hates confrontations.

3. When my wife smiles I get great joy out of it.

4. Last weeks episode of 24 was great, too bad the week before was lame.

5. There is nothing on T.V. between 10am and 6:30 pm.

6. I still love Playstation 2, and Dance Dance Revolution is not just for gay people.

7. I live really far away from…. Everything.

8. I have great interview skillz

9. Gas is ridiculous (enough said)

10. Walmart only sells versions of things you need but never what you actually need. You have to get those things at a real store.

11. I love hanging out with Josh, Mark, John and Jamie.

12. I hate Lost as much as I love it. I don’t want to watch it anymore yet I do.

I think that’s enough for now. I will do my best to keep updating….. Maybe…. I mean I promise.

Time to play the GAME

2006-02-06T17:25:00.000-08:00

Now I am unemployed.... well almost, I still have my job at the church. The picture above is me doing that job. We had a retreat this past weekend with a super hero/ villian theme. I was The Wrestler and yes I was a villian. And yes I have a mo-hawk. there really is no reason for this post other than showing the picture. So enjoy!

Disappointment.... This one hurt

2006-01-30T08:25:00.000-08:00

Disappointment sucks! I can think of nothing worse. This morning disappointment got its ugly hands on me and ruined my morning.

My current employer is celebrating my last two days with the company by bringing in bagels for everyone. (actually, they brought bagels because all the global managers are in town, but I like my reasoning better) So I stroll into my bagel party and grab a nice looking cinnamon raisin bagel. I put my regular cream cheese on top and head back to my dungeon…. I mean office. I sit down ready to enjoy my second favorite bagel, clearly they don’t get any better than the everything bagel, I take a bite…….

Disafreakingpointment! I grabbed a chocolate chip bagel. Now some people might be thinking that it’s no big deal and chocolate chip bagels are good. Well those people are wrong. Incredibly wrong! Chocolate chip bagels are disgusting. I like bagels and I like chocolate chips but not together. You can’t just cram two things you like into one and get some great thing.

I give peanut butter and jelly all the credit in the world, I love PB&J sandwiches. But not everything works out like that. How about pizza ice cream. Yummy! Dr. Pepper Fettuccini. MMMMM. Beer salad dressing, caramel pepper, chocolate covered salt. Is there anything sacred anymore? For the love of everything quit ruining great things by combining them with other great things.

Yo Adrian! (its a Rocky post what else would I call this?)

2006-01-25T07:17:00.000-08:00

Rocky IV has got to be considered one of the greatest movies of all time. I have been watching it every night for the past couple of days as I go to bed. (The Palmercat Gal has not been to happy when I fire up the DVD player these last few nights!) Here is why it is soooo grooood.

The movie is 91 minutes long and there is about 23 minutes of dialogue.

Seriously has this ever been pulled off before? I cant even come up with a sports equivalent to this…….. Ok its like the 2005 Chicago Bears offense. The game is 60 minutes long and the offense is on the field for like 12 minutes including 14 three and outs. Yet when the game is over somehow the Bears won and you find yourself thinking they are (were) a good team.

He-Man becomes the hateable steroid using Russian who kills Apollo.

Watching Masters of the Universe as a kid I loved Dolph Lundgren. He saved the Universe from Skeletor for crying out loud! But then he became Ivan Drago and He-Man was gone. When it comes to villains Drago has got to be one the most despised of all time. Usually a villain in a sports movie cheats during the competition, but not Drago. He blatantly is taking steroids all throughout his training and the make a point of showing how the steroids make him hit harder than anyone….. ever! Here’s my question, don’t they test for steroids in boxing? Was it ok since the fight was an “unsanctioned” fight? Why was this not dealt with in the story? Oh that’s right it would have required some dialogue. But then when you find out that Drago was doing the juice you realize Apollo should still be alive.

The Russian national anthem being played while a 3 story portrait of Drago is unveiled before the fight.

How did this not cause WWIII? I mean don’t you usually stand and salute your flag for your anthem? Not in Rocky IV, the anthem starts and everyone stands to salute their……….. Drago???!!! A huge painting id unveiled as the anthem is playing. The funny thing is that everyone is saluting it! How Sly got away with this without any backlash is unreal. If I were at a sporting event in which the entire country and surrounding countries were all tuned in, and the Star Spangled Banner plays to the unveiling of a 3 story portrait of Pete Rose, you better believe someone is going down for that. The funniest thought of all of this is, where do you think that portrait went? You have to think Dolph has it hanging on a wall in his house, or it he had it hung from the roof of his house as a way to let everyone know where he lives.

The creepy robot for Paulie.

When you saw this movie for the first time and the robot came strolling out, everyone thought that it was a legitimate wave of the future. I know I thought I would own one by the year 2000. Well it’s 2006 and I still don’t own one nor have I ever seen one since this movie. How could you not think that getting a robot maid who did everything for you would be the greatest day of your life. And since this is getting long I close with why Rocky IV is one of the best movies of all time……

Did someone say Montage

You know how I said the 91 minute movie had 23 minutes of dialogue, well there’s a reason for that. 4 MONTAGES! That is unbelievable, that is more amazing than the 23 minutes of dialogue. The first montage comes after Apollo dies and Rocky agrees to fight Drago in Russia. Rocky gets into it with Adrian and thus kicking off Montage #1. I guess they thought the first montage was so good that they should put a second one in the movie. This occurs about 7 minutes after the first. M#2 is a working out montage Rocky runs around the snowy mountains of Russia and chops some wood. This ends as he comes back to the cabin to find Adrian waiting for him so she can tell him she loves him and ids here for him. Immediately after this conversation we are treated with M#3 a workout montage. Yes another one. Yes about 45 seconds after the first workout montage. Except this one Rocky kicks his training to another notch including crumbling a newspaper cutout picture of Drago. Can you feel the intensity? M#4 is the fight montage. It of course entails the 2 men beating the piss out of each other as the rounds fly by and finally leads us to 2 bloody beaten men about to go toe to toe in the 15th. It’s a shame that there isn’t an Oscar for best montage, because in 1985 the nominees would have been:

Rocky IV: “Rocky alone”
Rocky IV: “Rocky workout”
Rocky IV: “Rocky workout part 2”
Rocky IV: “Rocky vs. Drago”

And the winner is……..
Rocky IV: “Rocky alone”

So there, that’s why Rocky IV was awesome. I can only hope tat Sly follows this structure for Rock V. (Yes I heard that Rocky V came out in 1990, but that movie never existed……. You hear me! It never existed!)

A little something about me

2006-01-10T09:14:00.000-08:00

Here is a shocker, I love sports, and I love the Suns more than anything else in sports. I want to go to a game soon but I can not get tickets as they are pretty much sold out for the good games. Does anyone know someone who has tickets? I am more than willing to buy them! I am not looking for a free-B. I just dont want to sit in the last row of the upperdeck. If you know anyone can you let me know or have them contact me. Thanks! I am just a die hard Suns fan looking to go to my favorite sporting event.

Lets review the past week.

2006-01-03T05:53:00.000-08:00

Well it is time for my Holiday review. So without any further a-do let’s get started.

• My mom (thats not a picture of her, I promise), whom I love dearly is not allowed to buy me clothes. She is allowed to take me shopping or supply me with money to purchase new clothes. However she is not allowed to pick them out.
• Nate Palmer had the funniest blog entry of the season until Nate Hughes entered in with this dandy tale.
• Sony 6.1 surround sound home theater system is kicking. Its no high end system but it is awesome enough for me to be plenty happy and so grateful to my parents for the gift. I truly was not expecting something so nice. Thank you!
• The 6mp Olympus digital camera the Palmercats received from my in-laws is sweet. There is not a whole lot of gadgetry to it, but it gets the job done well. Its simple to use doesn’t shoot out 400,000 flashes to take 1 picture and actually takes the picture when you push the button. Another great gift, thanks new mom and dad.
• The Epson photo printer my parents gave the Palmercat Gal is totally awesome. It prints quality pictures and pretty fast.
• Being married, on Christmas you get twice as many gifts. It was crazy seeing the X-Terra full of presents. Thanks to everyone who gave a gift! I love you guys. And not just for the gifts!
• Best buy is going to end my marriage. Seriously I need to stop going there, and here’s why:

I was in BB looking for something to spend my $25 gift certificate on when I stumbles across a shipment of Xbox 360’s. I thought they were just display boxes like always, but when I picked one up and it weighed about 20 pounds I knew this was no display box. I quickly got on the phone to call Mark, I knew he wanted one and could afford it, so I was going to pick it up for him. No answer. I call Josh to IM him, no response. This is all going down while the Palmercat Gal is at learning is fun, she has no idea I am about to drop $650 hoping that Mark will still want the system. I call and call and eventually I give up on Mark. I start thinking Ebay! I decided to buy the system and give Mark first crack at it and he doesn’t want it, it’s going up for auction.

Palmercat Gal comes into BB and sees me holding the box and asks what it is, so I tell her what it is and that it is for Mark or Ebay. She was like isn’t that the system that everyone wants but you cant get it anywhere. I was like yeah. She was like oh.

After walking around BB for about 5 minutes I start to fall in love with Box….of X…… I start to want it, it’s my precious and no one can have it! I look at the P.G. and say I kinda want to keep it, she was like oh. Then she made a mistake, “ I knew you would, why don’t you just keep it.” I walk back by the place where the shipment was being opened and the was like a couple left, I grab another one. I cant believe they let me (there were some pissed off people in line with only system while I had 2. Thanks to the P.G. we could pull it off!).

I walk out If BB with 2 premium edition 360’s. Mark calls like 15 minutes later and wants one. Luckily I had 2. So now Mark and I both have 360’s and lonely wives.

• Xbox 360 is sweet! Mark cant stop playing Project G Racing 3. He still hasn’t even opened his other game! I got NBA Live it’s a good game, looks great plays great but there is no features to the game. Madden is amazing! When I fired it up yesterday I was like holy cow! And not like me on Halloween acting like Harry Carrey, like I was in disbelief with the graphics. It is beautiful! Like NBA there are no features to the game, but the game play alone and the absolute beauty of the game cover up all. It’s awesome.

That’s about it for now, If you made it through the entire post congrats come see me to get your cookie. Speaking of cookie’s Jott took care of my home PC cookie problems. Now I can post from home!

Good day.

Some Christmas cheer

2005-12-27T09:17:00.000-08:00

Here is a quote from Nate Palmers blog on children’s Christmas musicals:

“It's a fun game to look at the ground when the children are taking turns singing, and try to guess which gender the singer is. I myself went 2 for 4”

That is truly high comedy!

For me if there is one thing worse than a Christmas Pageant it’s a children’s Christmas pageant.

Friday Five (Thursday edition)

2005-12-22T07:50:00.000-08:00

Top 5 Slam dunks:

Some videos have offensive language, sorry.

5. Spud (he's 5-7.... if that)
4. Amare Stoudemire (Pure Power, Man do I miss this!)
3. Michael Jordan (pick one, they are all good, especially #2)
2. Vince Carter (Best slam dunk performance ever)
1. Vince Carter (How is this possible?)

*I reserve the right to make the Friday Five as long or as short as I want and as many list's as I want.*

Personal favorites

2005-12-21T13:16:00.000-08:00

here are 2 of the best drummers today..... ever!

Carter

Mike

If you need a good laugh, Proceed.

2005-12-21T08:28:00.000-08:00

For those who have not ventured into the world of YouTube here is a delightful taste:

Narnia

Will Ferrell Boss

I Loved SNL when it was funny

The best skit in my life time

The Bush' hunting

Monday's Friday Five

2005-12-19T06:07:00.000-08:00

Top five Restaurants:

1. Carrabba’s Italian Grill

*I reserve the right to make the Friday Five as long or as short as I want and as many list's as I want.*

Friday Five ...... Belated

2005-12-13T07:20:00.000-08:00

I have no idea why, but my cookies on my home PC are disabled and therefore I can not post blog entries from home. Thus leading to the belated Friday five. I know what your thinking, “Palmercat you’re an idiot” while this is true, it is not because I can not enable my cookies. I have tried repeatedly and had others who know more about computers look at it and no can figure it out. So back off! On to the list.

The top 5 video games of all time (Nostalgia has no place here.):

1. The legend of Zelda (Nintendo)
2. God of War (PS2)
3. Madden 2005 (PS2)
4. Virtua Tennis (Dreamcast)
5. Mike Tysons Punch Out (Nintendo)
6. Guitar Hero (PS2)
7. Tecmo Super Bowl (Nintendo)
8. Gran Turismo 3 (PS2)
9. Super Smash Bros Melee (Game Cube)
10. Halo (X-Box)

Best systems to date:

1. PS2
2. Nintendo
3. Nintendo 64
4. Sony PSP
5. Intellivision
6. Dreamcast
7. Game Cube

*I reserve the right to make the Friday Five as long or as short as I want and as many list's as I want.*

Introducing the Friday Five

2005-12-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

I am introducing the Friday five. I am going to make a list of five things. Sounds like fun huh! So here comes my first Friday five list.

My top 5 T.V. shows ever:

1. Sportscenter
2. 24
3. House
4. The Simpsons
5. Doogie Howser MD

Climbing the ladder the more I watch:

1. Family Guy
2. Entourage
3. Jackass
4. Smallville
5. Family Feud

*I reserve the right to make the Friday Five as long or as short as I want and as many list's as I want.*

A rewording

2005-12-01T12:47:00.000-08:00

If evolution is true and real than Hitlers actions are not condemnable.

The Fuhrer

2005-12-01T07:23:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading a small book called; The Lamb and the Fuhrer by Ravi Zacharias. It was interesting, the book is a conversation between Jesus and Hitler. After reading it I have come to this conclusion. If evolution is true and real than Hitler was not wrong in his actions but was actually quite justified.

Going to the chapel and I

2005-12-01T06:33:00.000-08:00

Got freaking married! Thanks to everyone who came to the wedding or has wished us well as we start our new life together. Married life awesome, I would strongly recommend it to anyone who is on the edge and unsure. Just do it, it doesn’t get any better, I promise!

Went to Hawaii it was beautiful. Hawaii just have to go to, there can be no description for it that would ever give it justice.

I got liad off at work. My position has officially been outsourced. I have till the end of this month than I will join the ranks of unemployment. That was a great wedding gift!

I am about to post something controversial so lets see how some people respond.

I love you all!

I warned you!

2005-11-01T07:57:00.000-08:00

I really did! Believe me I did!

I had won a costume contest at a Halloween party for the past two years, I personally didn’t think I deserved it, but none the less I won based on vote. So going into this costume season I had a lot of expectations to live up to. A) Because I was going to a party w/ some co workers that had only heard that I was funny B) I had to live up to being a two time winner at my normal Halloween party.

For the Normal party I stole Jeff’s shower costume and walked in wearing nothing but a towel…….. so I had shorts on underneath but you couldn’t see those. I walked in at as usual the party stopped for my costume. I got the congratulatory hug from Christian, who I think is always the funniest, as he said, “Every year I can always count on you to have the best costume.” Cool, whatever, it was a fun party and I had a good time.

For the co worker party I was having the hardest time deciding what I would go as. Since I had never been to a costume party with any of these people I had free reign to reuse any of my previous costumes or come up with something new. I knew I could always fall back on either Harry Carey or the W/T mechanic. Both have become “Chris classics”. Well I didn’t want to just fall back on either of those but like I said I wasn’t coming up with anything. The party was Friday, Thursday I came up with a costume. But I didn’t have enough o make it. So I know what I am going as next year. So I put the decision into the hands of Yarsh, Jeff, John , Mark and Rapasky. All of them said go with Harry.

I warned them I swear, I told them if I do Harry Carey I am going to be in character all night. I am going to drive people crazy, and you wont get a real conversation out of me all night. I told the Palmercat Gal I was sorry for what she was about to go through and that if after the party she didn’t want to marry me anymore I would understand. I told them! I told them all!

Ding-Dong. (Door opens) T-Rex opens the door

T-Rex: Hello, welcome to the party.

Harry Carey: Hey! Its great be here (head shaking and all), you got any ice cold Budweiser’s?

The rest of the night Harry walked around talking to everyone, asking some people the same question every time I saw them, stopping a conversation in mid sentence and just walking away. I was on my game that night. I drove some girls crazy, sorry that they don’t have a sense of humor. I was annoying, I admit that, but I warned everyone in advance and they told me to still do it.

The end of the night came, and Harry won for best costume. Three years straight. Were there more deserving? Yeah, I thought so. But apparently it came down to me and Jeff’s shower and they gave it to me for being in character all night. We left soon after the vote and headed home. I am sorry if your upset that you lost, I am sorry if I drove you insane on Friday night, I am sorry if you don’t have as good a sense of humor as me. But hey,

HARRY WINS! HARRY WINS! HOLY COW!

A simple question

2005-11-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

Does such a thing as subjective truth exist?

I dont believe it

2005-10-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

WNBA “superstar” and reigning WNBA MVP Sheryl Swoopes announced today that she is gay. In related news Yarsh is bald.

A word to my employer

2005-10-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

It's time to admit you screwed up letting certain people go. Outsourcing jobs to save money is the least of your concerns now. Arrogance breeds ignorance, and ignorance breeds destruction. I hope and pray that you will get beyond yourself and see the holes that have been created by your arrogance and foolish leadership.

Wed. quote of the day

2005-10-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

by Robert Wilensky

Thanks BAB!

I got chopped

2005-10-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

So as part of my internship I was asked to write an article for our little monthly paper that is released. Being a former journalism major I had no problem stepping up and answering the call. I wrote my article and submitted it. The paper came out last week, and let me say I will never write an article for it again. They chopped up my piece. They chopped up my piece. The chopped up my freaking piece! They made me sound like an idiot, I sound incoherent and just flat out stupid. I told my “boss” that I would not be writing for the paper again, to which he said was fine.

I have no problem if they want to take my piece and cut it up. Just don’t put my name on the end. If you want me to make it shorter, I am capable of that. But for crying out loud don’t take my article cut it up, make it crap, make it incoherent, take anything out of it that made it mine and still attach my name to it. I was given a small word limit for the piece so it is not that long, but I did the best I could. I am going to post the original article on my meditations page and maybe I can find the new version to show how bad I was butchered.

A look to the future

2005-10-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

I found….. ok so I read this guy daily, I read an article that is probably going to be a very accurate description of the Palmercat Gal after a year of marriage

Good boy looking for some fun!

2005-10-04T14:44:00.000-07:00

So here’s the deal. Nov. 4-6 I will be visiting Vegas, baby, Vegas! I can think of no better place to go for my bachelor party. Now I am not a wild guy…. Wait yes I am. I am a good guy though. I am going for the fun, gambling, and just getting away with my best friends. I will not be going to any strip clubs or anything like that, that’s not me. But I am going to have a lot of fun! If any of you have some good suggestions of what to do or if you are coming and want to do something specific please post! All suggestions (outside of hookers and strippers) and hook-ups are more than welcome.

My funeral? Nope the beginging of great, wild, unorthodox, kinky.......

2005-09-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

I have not written in an extremely long time. To all 1 of my readers, sorry. But here is a quick update on my life. I am getting married in a month and a half, I work 65 hours a week, taking 2 classes, my “new” job at work is being outsourced as well (even though they have not told me yet I know it’s true because they have told everyone else at the company), I have had no time to blog.

So I called my childhood best friend the other night to get his address so I could invite to the wedding. He left me a message that included his address as well as a rant about how we need to get together and play basketball before I get “ all married and tied down $hit and am not allowed to play anymore.”

I was listening to it on speaker phone with the Palmercat Gal, to which she quickly replied. “Yeah because once were married I am not going to let you play basketball?” Now if the options are sex or basketball, I choose sex (I am saying this without any knowledge of how good sex really is, but I can imagine and that’s good enough for me). Now if it’s basketball or sitting at home watching TV. waiting for Palmercat Gal to come home, I choose basketball.

I am getting married; I’m not dying, although to some they are the same. I know I will have to sacrifice a lot of things I am used to but exercise is not one of them. Late nights at Fridays with the guys… gone, but sports they are not going anywhere.

On another note about my wedding, If you have not received an invitation yet it’s in the mail………… I promise…….. Yeah the mail………..

Here is something that I will leave to my one reader to vote on, for the groomsmen gifts. Do you think it is best to get everyone the same thing or get everyone something different? When Jott married my older littler sister he gave us Zippos with our initials. Great gift! My buddy C-Dub gave me a DVD of Conan O’Brien and Triumph. Great gift. So how should I go about my gifts?

Lastly, I have been posting on peoples blogs today and if they have ventured over here, I just want to say hi and no I am not crazy or think I am a counselor. I am just looking out for the good in all of us. (Man would my philosophy of ethics teacher be happy to hear that.)

Well that’s all I got for now, back to being outsourced!

You gotta love work....

2005-08-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

So my highly valuable job that has specific skill requirements such as, sitting for long periods of time, the ability to stare at a computer screen for 10 hours a day and clicking the mouse repeated times a day is being outsourced. I can’t believe it. How in the world is my company going to find people in Costa Rica qualified to do the things that I do? I have been asking myself this question for weeks now and I still do not have an answer. Hey it was fun while it lasted…… sort of. I like my coworkers very much, but this job is not fit for an extravert such as myself. Maybe it is a good thing I am loosing this job soon, I will be forced into another position here or find myself unemployed and begging all my friends for a job. Problem is, most of my friends freaking work here (how do you think I got this job in the first place.)

Some good news is that for the past couple of months I have had a “boss” ( “boss” = some guy who turned in his resignation because he was unhappy with where he was in the company, and thus they gave him a managerial role.) who had no idea what we did here, threw the working schedule out the window, and referred all questions or errors to someone else. Come to think of it I have no idea what he did for the past couple of months as my “manager”. The good news is that he grew tired of doing…. can I say nothing…… and turned in his resignation request #2 this tome for good. He is now gone and thus I needed a new manager to ruin more things here. Then I received an email from… well some guy who turned in his resignation as well and was given a managerial role to boot, I think I might be seeing a trend, and the mail delivered the news that my new boss was none other than John Doom (If I had any skill at this his name would be a different color and underlined with a link to his blog.)

This is good news for me because I like John, He’s a good guy and a friend. He has a head on his shoulders that's not attatched to someone elses ass and actually uses reason and logic, which seems to be rarely used in the business place anymore, and will make good decisions for us and actually help us when we need it. This will be the first time I have worked here that my actual manager will have knowledge of the process that we run throughout the day. Here’s to Mr. Doom (picture me holding up a mug of kiltlifter from four peaks brew.)

Well next week I think I am going to turn in my resignation and maybe I can become the COO of our company, or at least get some sort of initial set behind my name.

Does what I entitle this really matter?

2005-07-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should not proclaim this as loudly as I do but what the hell…… I am a big fan of Penn and Teller’s Bull**** show. They are crude and down right mean for most of the show and it makes me laugh because generally I agree with them. For some weird reason they seem to be right wing….conservatists? Well maybe not so conservative but at least they don’t fall under the typical Hollywood p.c. bull****, they actually think for themselves and not what Sean Penn wants them to think.

This brings me to a random thought, how exactly did Sean Penn get his hands around the proverbial neck of Hollywood? He is an extremely overrated actor, he’s just an average actor. He certainly is not in the same class of Tom Hanks, Ed Norton, Kevin Spacey (who could have made a bunch of Barney movies after The Usual Suspects and would still be considered one of the best of all time.) Russell Crowe (who if he had not been shafted for A Beautiful Mind would be winning his third best actor award this year for Cinderella Man.) and Brad Pitt (I am forgetting that Troy was ever made). How does someone with such limited ability have such control over so many people who are afraid to think for themselves…. Wait I just answered my own question.

Anyways Penn and Teller Bull(feces) is really entertaining so I went out and bought their second season, which contains their show on the Bible. They of course conclude that the Bible is B.S. They interviewed an atheist with a PHD in something who argued against the Bible and some history professor at Western Michigan University. Here is what I concluded about the show.

1. Penn and Teller have no line they will not cross when they feel they are convicted about something.
2. I don’t think there are too many Christians and Jews out there watching their program every week, so who were they doing this show for?
3. I realize they are Michael Moore who do research, I tend to agree with, not as fat, and can make me laugh.
4. They interview people who will get their side pushed across the best.

The last was the biggest glaring weakness of the show to me. Rather than talk to a Bible scholar they talk to a professor of history who is a Christian. He of course is opposed by PHD Atheist man. HMMMMM I wonder who is going to come out looking the best on this one. (besides the fact that they can edit the interviews to say what they want.) The best was that they were so honest in their closing comments, “Hey we did this show so that there would be more Atheists. Elvis didn’t do no drugs.” (The quote was right along these lines but not word for word) At least they were honest with their agenda.

This show went against everything I believe and know to be true, but it was still entertaining. I can’t wait to get home and watch the PETA episode, man I am so annoyed by those people, and get back to agreeing with what they are saying.

Hold up, Rewind

2005-07-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

Man, am I tired from this weekend…. Wait, rewind. He is officially an intern….. wait rewind OH MY GOSH SHE IS SO CUTE….. wait rewind. SHUT UP, ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW??!!!.... wait rewind. Welcome home. That’s probably a good place to start this.

So my last post I wrote on the plane ride home from Seattle, I think after this weekend I need to update. As of July 1st I am officially a high school intern at my church. Last night I was officially announced to all of our staff as the new intern. It was a good night with the staff at our first staff meeting of the new year, God has brought a lot of new faces to our staff.

So I get off the plane and take a days rest before going back to work, I am now working 40 hours a week at one office and 25 hours a week at the church. Needless to say I am busy, but I am adding 12 credit hours of school in August to boot. I will have no life soon.

Friday I got on one knee in front of the Palmercat Gal and asked her if she would spend the rest of her life with me. To which she replied,

Palmercat Gal: “Shut up! Wait are you being serious right now??!! Oh my God. Shut up! Wait are you being serious right now??!! Oh my God. Shut up…. Shut up….. Shut up…... Shut up……”

Me: (just sitting there smiling, hoping for an answer)

P.G.: (Leans forward and plants a big one on me)

Me: Is that a yes?

P.G.: Of course!

Yes it is true I am engaged, the Palmercat Gal has become the Palmercat Fiancé. For anyone who has talked to me recently knows that I have wanted to get a black lab puppy for a while. My thought was Palmercat Fiancé needs a dog for house, now that it will soon be our house the need for a dog has increased. After much convincing of my paps to help me raise a puppy I bought one yesterday. She is a black lab 9 weeks old and I have settled on the name Reagan. If I can figure out how to post a picture of her I will soon.

I took my brother with me to buy the dog and than we ran to my future home to show the future battle axe my/our new dog. She of course loved her than we drove home and met the other dogs that Reagan will be living with for the next couple of months. Headed out to church with puppy in hand and had a good time at church. Staff meeting was next and by the end of that Reagan…….. I was exhausted.

What a weekend. Fast forward, November 12 looks like the date for the ceremony

I'm Home!

2005-07-05T16:28:00.000-07:00

Well I am home! For all who wondered why there has not been an update in a while its because I have been in Alaska for the past week and a half and had no Internet access. The trip was amazing, I got to see first hand students come to the knowledge of Christ, praise, God, and I also learned a lot of things on the trip. (I am actually going to post something on my meditations blog.) As for now I will try and recap a week and a half of events by giving my trip highlight reel. These are not necessarily listed in any order but just as they come to mind.

We had some our team working in the kitchen of the camp, and I mean working, they prepared the meals, cooked the meals, served the meals, and cleaned up after everything was done. They worked their tails off. There were a lot of funny things that occurred in the kitchen that I could speak of, but I will use this team to tell about something that baffled me. The kitchen staff is required to wear shoes, aprons and hairnets (hats) this helps prevent accidents, spills, and the ugly incident of hair in the food. There was a guy who worked at the camp for the camp for the entire summer, and I never saw him were a shirt with sleeves. Not that big of a deal……. Except for the fact that he was working in the kitchen! Your telling me that hair from the head is grosser than the armpit! I don’t think so scooter! That was just gross. There came a point where one of our girls in the kitchen said, “Hey I think we need to put hairnets under there,” (referring to his pits) I think that if we were all playing the would you rather game, and the question was would you rather eat a hair from my head or a hair from my armpit, we would all agree that head hair is the correct answer.

I think the best times of laughter occurred when we were just sitting around making fun the palmercat gal. I don’t mean to be mean, but she says the funniest things without trying to. There was one time when she came to wake us up from our afternoon nap and the exchange went like this: (also imagine this being said in the purest sweetest voice ever.)

Knock, knock knock

Gal: Ummmmmmmmm fellas? You awake?

Guys: NO

Gal: Ummmmmmmmm how bout now?

Guys: Yes

Gal: Ummm ok good.

For me the most humbling yet amazing moment came towards the end of the week of camp. It was one of our last chapels together and I was the speaker for the camp. The worship team had just finished playing and gave the queue to me to come up; just then 110 kids broke into a chant of Chris, Chris, Chris. It was amazing! They were cheering for me, but truly cheering for God. I did not do anything special during the week but teach Gods word as best I could…. rather as best as God leads me. It was amazing to hear kids chant my name for the simple fact that I was about to tell them a stupid story from my life and connect it to Gods word. They have been chanting my name but they were truly asking for God, humbling to dwell on.

Like always this become an essay and I will check back in a little with some more stories from the trip, I will try to be funnier and less introspective (this is of course to please Macleod.) Till next time.

I need some cheese

2005-06-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

For anyone who has ever worked out and complained how sore they are the next day, and by some mistake voiced their whining to me, thus received a fine dosing of insults from me, I want to say, I’m sorry. I worked out for the first time in my life on Monday (For those who know me, I know that may come as a huge surprise) and let me say I am so freaking sore right now. Monday I worked out with a “trainer” (They should be called “those bastards who look way better than I do”) and we killed my legs. The next day I woke up and was sore. So what did I do, I headed to the gym again to play basketball and meet with another trainer for another session.

I was playing a great game of basketball (this means I was dominating my man, and I was) and was thinking after I work out with Ryan, my trainer, I will come back and get in another game before I go home. Little did I realize that when I was done with Ryan I wouldn’t be able to lift my hands to the steering wheel, let alone hoist a basketball up into a 10 foot cylinder. Its funny to me how ridiculous the mental idea of most sports are, but when played are tremendously fun. Think about it, you meet a person of the coast of Ubangi-Bangi who has never heard of sports before and try and explain to them your favorite sport. I think this could be a reality T.V. show, you send American contestants out to third world countries and if they explain a sport, such as baseball, to a person and the person actually wants to play, you win. Considering most sports involve throwing random things at other random things or hitting things with sticks, I would say 1 out of 10 people would win. Could you imagine having to explain curling to an Ethiopian!

You: Ok the game is played on ice…..

Starving Marvin: Ice?

You: you have to sweep the ice with these little brooms……

S.M.: Sweep Ice?

You: If your stone stops in any circle you get whatever points that circle is worth.

S.M.: Ice?

Anyways I am so sore. I can barely reach my mouth with my hands. I am hoping the pain goes away tonight so I can hit the gym again tomorrow for some more pain. I know this sounds retarded but I made a commitment (yes I can make them to myself just not anyone else in my life) to stick this out and get in good shape. One last random side note, why are there handicapped spaces at a gym? Seriously, why!

Throw me the motherboard I'm open!

2005-06-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

As promised (the last thing I would ever want to do is lie to the people who spend time reading my crap….. beautiful writings) here are some more entertaining moments from this past weekend.

The wedding party was a rare scene to see. This was the first wedding I had been to or been a part of where all the groomsmen were either married or in a relationship and some bridesmaids were single. Normally it is the other way around. After all, one of the jobs of the groom is to try and hook up one of his desperate friends with one of the hot lonely bridesmaids. This did not happen, and the rehearsal dinner was hilarious. Here is an excerpt from one conversation:

Me: So, are you guys (girls) excited to dance tomorrow night?

Bridesmaids 1, 2, 3: NO!

Bridesmaid #1: Were single, this sucks!

Bridesmaid #2: I don’t think I can handle this!

Bridesmaid #3: (sat silent staring at her plate, echoing the cries of her friends in her head.)

It’s funny to sit at a table surrounded by beautiful single girls, and they were, and hear them complain about being single. Every ……. most girls should know that they are only single by choice. If they want a boyfriend they could have one, especially these three. Men are the most insecure creatures that walk this world, if a pretty girl shows some interest that would be enough to spur us into pursuit, but when a girl who is out of our league, as most are, sits back and wants to be pursued it is going to take a lot of time.

This was also the first wedding I was a part of where I was not surrounded by the “technologically advanced”, it was nice to throw a football around (everywhere we went), Drink beer and smoke pipes, hit a wiffle ball in our hotel room, eat at some dirty restaurant called Loafing Levi’s (named after a dog). I think that every groom should have to select a friend to be a groomsman that fits inside of one of the following categories (people who filled the role during this wedding): Ladies Man (Holtz), Musically Talented (Tim #1), Jackass (Me), Coolest (Keith), Band Mate (Eric), “Who’s That Guy” (Tim #2). Scotty did a great job of following this model to a T, and that what probably made this weekend so much fun.

Finally this brings us to our motel rooms. The groomsmen stayed at motel about 5 minutes away from the lodge where the bride, bridesmaids, and everyone else stayed at. (That tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding is why we stayed at the motel.) We walk into the first room; it was as if everyone who had stayed there for the last 25 years had smoked a carton of cigarettes in the room with the windows closed. The carpet was light brown, the walls were probably once white, and the window shades were light blue. We went upstairs to our other room and swing the door expecting the same, but got the most wonderful surprise. Blue walls with random fish paintings, the bed sheets were ocean styled, and above the beds was a fishing net with a couple of stuffed crabs and fish inside of it. Apparently they have a theme for every room. Upstairs was the ocean theme and downstairs was the ashtray theme, or as Scotty called it, the ass-tray theme.

Like I said before it was a great time up in Pinetop Arizona and I am grateful to Scotty and Bre for letting me be a part of their special day. I also want to give a shout out to B.A.B. for doing a great job during the wedding.

Y'all ganna make me act a fool

2005-06-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

Weddings are funny things, the people involved are usually way too stressed out to enjoy what is going on, and the people who attend are there for free food and to meet someone. (Weddings after all are a great place to meet girls, for the simple fact that single girls who attend are so jealous and lonely that they would give a chance to any male breathing and is capable of talking to them.) I was in a wedding this past weekend and let me say; I had a great time. This was easily the most fun I have had at any wedding. The bride was chill, the groom was…. Excited and everyone involved was enjoying the day. (The brides mom did a ton! This surely helped to calm the bride.)

I have always been a very relaxed guy, I may not have ever been stressed in my life, and I want to be like that on my wedding day. This probably why a lot of people get drunk on their big day, but I am capable of pulling it off sober. I want to enjoy the day, whether its hanging with guys, taking pictures, the ceremony, more pictures, the reception, more pictures, the dances, more pictures, smashing cake on my brides face (Yes I am going to do this and no there is no such thing as a truce when it comes to this.) more pictures, and driving off in our recently vandalized car while some pictures are taken. I want to relax and enjoy this day with my friends and family and hundreds of other people who I have never met but bring me gifts. The problem is that this rarely happens. My sister was surprisingly calm on her day but still rushed, than this weekend came and my boy got it right. Everything they did they enjoyed. It was awesome; it gave me new hope for my day.

Here is a list of some of my favorite moments from the weekend,

Moment #1 of the weekend was the fact that the bride thought I was the funniest guy she had ever met. I have no idea why she thinks this way, but she does, so I figured I would put on a show. And I did. The best part was that the crazier I got the funnier she thought I was. There was a point that I recall thinking to myself: man I am being an idiot right now. Yet at that point the bride hugged me and said, “You’re the freaking funniest person ever, I am so glad you are a part of my wedding.” I thought about looking at the Palmercat Gal, who spent much of the night shaking her head at me, and saying, “Do you like apples?”

Moment #2 was battling for the garder, lined up were probably 20 desperately single guys all fighting for the chance to say, “I caught that lacey thing that was around the bride’s upper thigh, and I wore it on my head!” It went in there over my head, but I jumped and tipped it straight up almost grabbed it and it was poked in the air further by someone’s cane, it fell to the ground I saw my opportunity. I dove (I was in the wedding so I was in a nice tux) with my hands fully reached out, I felt a significant weight upon me, I grabbed it and the wrestling match began. Needless to say I won, and yes I wore it on my head.

Moment #3 was watching white Christian guys dance. I do not for one second think that I can dance. I do find it fun to make a complete fool of myself though. But here’s why white Christian guys dancing is so funny: the easiest way to dance is to bump and grind and get freaky. This is not exactly the most applauded or accepted dance at a wedding dominated by good Christian folk. Some of the guys were undoubtedly thinking, man if I could only hump this girls leg (this is of course what dancing in this generation of hip-hop has become) without anyone looking down on me. Truly an odd scene to be a part of but hilarious to sit back and watch knowing what was going through the guys minds.

Moment #4 sitting on the balcony of our motel room drinking beer, smoking pipe tobacco and talking with guys about….. well what do you think we talked about, sex!

There are a whole lot more funny moments I will share later, but like always this is way too long and will be surprised if anyone reads the entire post.

Women, Irrational?

2005-06-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

I can’t resist the urge to write about irrational women any longer. I openly admit that this IS a complete generalization, however seemingly true more times than not. I also must add that the Palmercat Gal (my new name for my girlfriend) does not fall into this generalization for the simple fact that she is way too nice, and therefore generally doesn’t throw out unwarranted comments and is too cautious to do something stupid like the story that follows.

Yesterday as we were driving to lunch a woman flew by us while chatting on her cell phone. My first thought; women + cell phone + driving = bad news. Second thought; women + cell phone + driving + speeding = worse news. Third thought; men + cell phone + driving + speeding = some sort of emergency. (This is where my sarcasm meets my male pride) She was cruising, this is a completely normal thing to do here in Scottsdale, however Scottsdale has implemented cameras on streets that should you be going faster than the city wants, they will take your picture and then make you pay a fine. This is where she got into trouble, woman + cell phone + driving + speeding + photo radar = Fine. (Look mom you were right, life is all math!) And not fine as in I am doing fine, but as in you now owe the city $180. This whole ordeal brought about a loud chorus of cheers from the 4 men driving down the road who saw the freaking huge sign that read (this is where the irrational women part comes into play): SPEED LIMIT 45 M.P.H. PHOTO ENFORCED. I must admit that I had a rather enjoyable time watching her fly by us and then watching the flash from the 7 foot pole with a huge flash camera on top of it. But seriously huge sign + camera pole = slow down! You can speed up right after you pass the section.

Now this entry did not just come from the speeding incident yesterday but more so from an article on espn.com page 2 writer Bill Simmons aka The Sports Guy. For anyone who likes sports (likes not loves) needs to read this guys stuff, he is way to funny to pass up. He posted an article that was all emails he received from his readers and responses to them. Here is 1 piece that I got the loudest chuckle out of:

Q: I was watching the final of "The Contender" when my wife made the observation, "Jesse Brinkley is way too hot to be married to that chubby girl." Without even thinking I blurted out, "Well, she probably didn't look like that when they got married." Somehow my wife took that comment to mean that I think she is getting fat. Are all women irrational or is it just my wife?
– JT, River Vale, N.J.

SG: Nope. It's not just your wife. During Monday night's "Miss Universe" telecast, I had the following exchange with the Sports Gal:

Me: Wow, between Miss Venezuela and Miss Peru, I think we need to take our next vacation in South America.

Her: Very funny.
(Ten-second pause where you can hear their wheels turning as they slowly became angry.)

Her: "You know, you're enjoying this show WAY too much. I wish they had these shows with guys."

Me: "Yeah, but there's one difference."

Her: "What's that?"

Me: "I wouldn't watch a Mr. Universe show with you. In fact, I would rather kill myself."
(Five-second pause as they're totally flustered by a flawless, logical statement, followed by the obligatory obscenity.)

When I read this I did not for one second think, wait that is not true, or hey man women....... He was right. Even now as I am finishing this up I can see all my female friends out there reading this going, he’s making a huge generalization and doesn’t even realize it!

If you want to read more of The Sports Guy go to http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/simmons/index

Breaking News: Some things in life can only happen to me

2005-05-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

For the first time I feel as though this blog was worth something. In a recently deleted entry I was able to voice my heart on a situation and much to my personal joy is dealt with. For anyone who read the post, know that I love my brother very much, I made some wrong assumptions about the situation and while all may not be good with work, things are good in my heart with Josh because I know where he was coming from. And now back to me making a fool of myself through this blog.

Yesterday as I stood outside talking with a co-worker a funny story came to mind about my senior year prom. I was a senior, and prom was supposed to be one of the best nights in your young life. I don’t know if this was the best night of my life, but it ended up being one of the funniest.

I got dressed in my tux and headed out to a friend’s house to pick him up and then we were to go meet the girls for the dinner/picnic we had planned for them. I was looking quite sharp and had rented my friends BMW 318 I cherry red convertible with ground effects and sweet rims. I was feeling like the biggest pimp driving down the road with the top down and cruising in my tux. I arrive at my friends’ house and was greeted by a hug from his mom. As she pulls away she notices a white spot on my shoulder, “What’s that on your shoulder?” she asks me. I turn and look, my eyes bulge, bird poop! As I was pimping the ride I got pimped by a freaking bird. There was a huge turd on my shoulder.

Black tux, white poop stain does not look all that good. I called the tux shop and told them that there was a stain on my jacket that I hadn’t noticed when I picked up the tux. I was told by the woman that they were closing in 10 minutes and if I could make it to the shop on time they would replace the jacket for me. I jump in the car and fly down to the rental house. Still open! I run in and told them I was the one on the phone with the “stain”. By this time we had tried to clean it off so it resembled a chalk mark. The lady took one look at the jacket and said. “HMMM it looks like its just chalk.” She then rubbed the mark, licked her fingers, and rubbed the mark some more. I said, “Yeah it looks like chalk” she continued to lick her fingers and rub out the stain to no avail. Her partner brought out a new Jacket for me and I said my thanks and took off, while the woman was still licking her fingers and rubbing the “chalk stain”

I got to the car and almost died laughing with my friend at what we had just witnessed. The rest of the night was pretty fun as well. Right up until the point when some jerk who will remain nameless asked my date for a back massage at the after party. I got pissed at him and left shortly thereafter. This was my prom and I got pooped on by a bird. This could only happen to me.

Wait no more, I am back.

2005-05-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

I love finding double standards in my life. I find them quite entertaining to be honest. I am not talking about huge issues in life such as, God, abortion, sex, euthanasia, NBA officiating, I’m talking about things that drive me crazy today but tomorrow I will find enjoyably funny. Such as my rant about peer influence, I hate it when it comes between an obnoxious movie review or a terrible hit song, but find it extremely entertaining……. Well whenever I am the influence!

Here is an example of what I am talking about. Everyone saying Napoleon Dynamite was the funniest movie ever drove me insane (Read blog post #1 for full detail as to why), clearly Dumb and Dumber is the pinnacle of comedy, It is only perceived as this because a couple of people said it was funny and the movie was different than anything else at the time, so everyone liked it. If you think I am wrong just watch the movie by yourself and try not to get bored. The Napoleon Dynamite buzz was all created by peer influence, thus I hate it….. or do I?

Last week I went on a trip to Coronado Island, California, with me was about 40 high school seniors as well as a handful of adults. As the hours passed and the nights got later boredom gave way to my peer influence. I devised a brilliant game called: what happens in room 51 stays with me and anyone else I want to tell who was not in room 51(I am still working on the title of the game.) It basically involved me asking one of the students would they rather questions, once they answered all I did was ask them to prove it. Obviously this could not be your typical, would you rather have no arms or no legs, seeing as I was not about to start cutting people up. It involved physical things, such as, would you rather get punched in the face or have five- five star slaps on the back? Would you rather suck someone’s toe or lick their lower back? Would you rather….you get the idea.

Here is the brilliance of this idea, there was truly nothing forcing these kids…. I mean young adults, to do what I asked of them. If they refused I would have moved on to the next one, but every single person agreed to do what was asked of them, sometimes it took a little bit of coaxing but never physical force or verbal bashing. Simply my peer influence on them had them doing whatever I deemed funny for the moment. Seriously, I have never been more amazed at what people were willing to do, simply because I would have been slightly disappointed. There was even a time when a couple of people said, “How come you didn’t ask me one yet?” Amazing! I guess peer influence is awesome as long as I am the influence.

Another side note to add on here, watching people spin around until they are dizzy is hilarious. And the game cops and mafia is no longer enjoyable, it has run it’s full course and the card game should now be banned and left to real life stuff. Trust me everyone needs the mafia.

Seeing as this has become longer than anticipated I will end with a list of my top 3 comedies of all time and return soon with more hypocrisy from my life later.

3. South Park Bigger, Longer, Uncut. (get past how wrong it is, and see how right it is)

2. There’s Something About Mary (never laughed so hard at a movie the first time I saw it)

1. Dumb and Dumber (Find me someone funnier than Jim Carrey, I dare you)

Little kid syndrome

2005-05-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

I love the fact that some people are so extremely loyal that they actually lose all sense of reality with their point of view. This seems no more prominent than in the world of sports, cars and video games. First off I am a die hard sports fan, ask my girlfriend (I’m surprised she hasn’t left over this fact yet, and I have actually done a great job keeping sports off my blog, but no more.) I love the Suns and everything else that conjures up a good sweat that occurs here in Phoenix. But I am very realistic, the Suns lost Joe Johnson last night to basically a fractured cheek. No one knows how long he will be out for, thus I no longer know if the Suns can make a run at the title. (This is how a true sports fan keeps things real)

On the other side of the spectrum you have people who love their team so much that they have no sense of reality. Example: Talking to a die hard Brewer’s fan the other day who was saying that loosing Lyle Overbay for an extended amount of time would really ruin their playoff chances. If you don’t know anything about sports, you still know the Brewers suck. Their playoff chances were ruined the day Robin Yount retired, about 12 years ago.

Cars, cars are great I love them they go fast. Some cars suck (Cavalier) some cars rule (M5) some cars are ok (Altima) but I don’t get the people who take such a liking to only one brand of car and then say everything that is not made from manufacturer A is crap. There is seriously nothing funnier, and more annoying, than listening to a Chevy fan tell a Ford fan how great the Z-71 Silverado is, to only hear the Ford fan come back with. “dat truck aint got no nuds, you wanna c a truck dat beets da carp out of dat dere, den loock no furder than the F-250.” They exchange back and forth and usually end up in a tire toss challenge followed by going inside and making up over a Budweiser and some NASCAR. (Don’t get me started on this “sport”ing debacle. Turn left, okay good, now turn left, alright your looking good, now turn left….) Here’s the bottom line car companies make good cars and some bad ones as well, if you driving a bad one it could be worse, you could be riding the bus. If you’re riding the bus it could be worse, you could be…… never mind the bus sucks.

Thus bringing us to video games. These joyous things rank only behind God, family and sports. (My girlfriend fits somewhere on the list….. I swear) I am an avid PS2 fan, the games they make for that system are just awesome. I also enjoy the Gamecube from time to time as well as a good game of Halo on the X-Box. Video games are supposed to be fun, that is why I have never understood the folk who say the X-Box is better because it has a hard drive and this and that (insert all the hardware for the system here) WHO CARES, I just want to play games! I don’t care what a system can and can’t do; I want to play a fun game and whatever that system it happens to be played on, I will play that system. This has never been more apparent then when I bought a PSP. This is probably the greatest gadget I have ever seen! It blows me away how cool it is. But you have your Gameboy fans that refuse to admit that the PSP is amazing. They say things like, “The load times are terrible.” Yeah so what. “Well the thing is that.. (Insert whatever else they can think of here)” Blah blah blah, if something is fun, than play it and accept that’s its cool. Get over the fact that your favorite company has not made something that compares and enjoy what technology has made.

Don’t get wrong I think loyalty is a great thing, and so does every manufacturer in the world for that matter, but please don’t let it breed ignorance.

I thought to myself; Self

2005-05-11T10:43:00.000-07:00

In my continuing quest to make people laugh I was struggling with I could publish to induce the chuckles that I love so much when I thought to myself; self, what makes me laugh? To which I replied to myself, “Well self, I make myself laugh.” So I think (thus I know I am still alive, or something like that) it is time to unveil a list of my most embarrassing moments. Since I am neither bashful nor easily embarrassed this will undoubtedly be a short list of…….. Well one, I can only think of one time I was thoroughly embarrassed

I was having lunch at a bagel joint in Tempe, a simply wonderful city you truly must visit if you have never been, and I ordered my usual turkey bagel sandwich lightly toasted with provolone cheese. (I can hear John now mmmmmmmm…… toasted) The inside was full so I headed outside to a spare no expense plastic table and chairs covered by a nice little umbrella that never really blocked the sun. I set my food down and emptied my pockets (I was working at a bank and was wearing slacks that day, needless to say very little pocket room to carry keys, wallet, Zack Morris style cell phone, and pack of gum.) Whoever was at the table before I showed up was reading the latest edition of the New Times. I threw my phone on the table and sat down to enjoy my lunch. I was seated just outside the front door to the bagel entrance.

Just then a couple of pretty girls (that’s sounds kind of creepy) walked up to the lunch joint and looked at me at the table, then looked at each other and started laughing then proceeded into the shop. I immediately thought I had something on my face or shirt or something. I wiped my face with a napkin, clean; I searched my shirt for crumbs, also clean. I then ignorantly thought to myself they must have had an inside joke that was pretty funny. Note to self; any time a girl looks at you and laughs, not an inside joke! I continued with my lunch dismissing what had happened and another girl, also extremely attractive, walks up looks at me sitting at the table and starts giggling. Alright I thought something is definitely not right with this table. I stand up and survey the table, and then I see what was so funny.

When I threw my cell phone on the table it landed directly on the new times that I sat in front of. The New Tomes was opened to the personal ads and across the top, in like size 1.5 million print, were the words MEN SEEKING MEN. It was then that I realized that it looked like I was sitting there making calls to men who were lonely for other men. Needless to say I packed the rest of my lunch and headed back to the break room at work to finish my lunch.

Stories like these are too precious to hold inside, so as son as my lunch was up I had to tell my good friend Barb who then made me tell everyone else that I worked with.

With that said, I am challenging all bloggers to post their most embarrassing moment for their next entry.

Soon I will get back to writing about the things that irk me in this world, like how everyone has an intuitive inability to not follow others.

I was afraid this day might come

2005-05-06T23:43:00.000-07:00

This world simply has gone too far, earlier today I stopped by the local Wendy’s for a nice little snack. Much to my dismay things at Wendy’s have gone terribly awry. For years I have frequented the local burger joint and enjoyed the wonderful world of the $.99 value menu. As I approached the fine Hispanic worker named Jesus I ordered my usual quarter pound double stack with cheese (easily the best and most affordable burger anywhere around), he asked if I would like anything else, to which I replied, “no thanks that’s all for today.” I pulled out my dollar and seven cents, “that will be a dollar sixty one sir.” I couldn’t believe my ears. Was Jesus actually serious? Had the one great thing left in this world truly left me? I looked up in amazement at the menu, and much to my chagrin it was up there, 1/4lb dbl stack w/ chz $1.49. I was so stunned I actually reached into my pocket and found some more change and paid for what used to be a beautiful thing, and now leaves this bitter but so good taste in my mouth. It was at this point that I realized there is nothing sacred in this Corporate America we live in today.

There is no doubt that Dave Thomas is rolling in his grave. I saw the commercials, he was proud to offer the value menu, it made him smile. This does bring to mind what had to be a wonderful board meeting at Wendy’s Inc. Picture it; the new boss sitting smug in his chair as he revealed his evil plans to slowly remove the value menu. While the last remaining board member from Dave’s era sat there in disarray saying, “Dave would not have ever let something like this.” and “You know Dave would never approve of this.” The new bastard would look old man river in the eyes and say, “ I was afraid you might feel that way, so forgive me for having to do this” He pulls a lever and in storms security to remove the final beacon of light from the premises.

Here’s the issue, if for so many years it only cost a dollar, then how can you justify raising the price? In the fast food world things never get more expensive, they always come down in price. I find it hard to believe that Wendy’s was loosing 50 cents, or any amount of money at that, every time they sold a burger. But reality has sunk in now, and I am left with no choice but to see if I can find another 99-cent burger that can bring so much joy in such a little package.

My Wednesdays are your Mondays

2005-05-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays, here at palmercat blog, shall now be known as either tidbit day or weekend roundup. We will let the jury decide. Up first is the woman from Georgia who got “cold feet” just days before her wedding. Rather than letting her loving groom know she was a little nervous about the commitment, she took off. I mean TOOK OFF! She jumped in a car and drove to New Mexico, I know what your thinking, and yes there is a New Mexico, and called the Georgia police and faked her own kidnapping. First thing that comes to mind when hearing this situation, talk about bad long term planning. What was she going to do next? Come up with some insane story about how she was able to somehow escape her captors and flee to N.M.? Or that she was taken to N.M. and through a serious of taps on a wall Jorge, the neighbor’s eight year old deaf mute son, came to her rescue. The other thing that makes me chuckle is that all over the news they kept saying that she got “cold feet”, after seeing her picture on the news we all know that “cold feet” clearly was not the cause. As Chris Rock would say, “Whatever happened to crazy?” This woman is obviously crazy. I think far too often when things happen we look for all kinds of reasons why, how come we never just accept the fact that some people are just plain crazy. Even more maddening is the fact that her jilted groom is still willing and wanting to go through with the wedding. Some people just belong together.

Wednesday's pet peeve of the day is people smoking without using their hands. I am not a big fan of smoking in the first place, but I do accept the fact that people get easily addicted to these things, so I see how smoking has survived as long as it has. (Funny how smoking has lasted longer than anyone who has ever done it, only in this sick little world can something kill you and people knowingly continue to partake in it. If I told you that I was going to kill you if you went to the movies tonight, and you knew I was serious, there is no way in hell you’re going to the movies tonight. Yet the government put a label on the box that clearly says that smoking can cause cancer and cancer causes death and yet no one seems to care. Truly baffling.) Now that I have ruined the essence of this paragraph I conclude with this; if you are going to smoke all I ask is that you a) Not blow it in my general direction and b) Use your freaking hands to hold the damn thing when blowing out the smoke. Are you truly so lazy that you cannot use your hands to hold a cigarette for ten seconds, I am tired of seeing this schmo outside my window at work everyday continue to inhale and exhale from his cigarette while it sits on one side of his mouth. Some things just for appearance sake don’t look right; midgets wearing gangster clothes (Verne Troyer), Guys wearing girls pants (50% of high school kids and 100% of “emo” kids), and people smoking without holding their cigarette (weird guy who works in the office above me).

Finally I leave you with this, if your wife ever asks you if a dress makes her look fat (or any question along these lines) the answer is:

No it doesn’t, and I married you not the dress.

Missed opporunity, or was it?

2005-04-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

I think (seem to be doing this in high volumes as of late) every blog, whether it be mine or not, should start with a “shout out” to someone else. In my effort to start the shout out trend, I will holla (read this like Dan Majerle says it) at Mark, the geek of everything. (Read his full blog post on the situation at http://netg0d.blogspot.com/ ) Shortly after he had lunch, which I skipped for the fact that I actually had work to be done, he saw Britney Spears shopping at a toy store. I can’t help but notice that you took your sweet time trying to figure out the exact model and cost of the paparazzi’s cameras. This is truly a different approach than what I would have taken. When facing a situation such as this one, I would have done one of a couple of things.

A: Actually go into the store and let the queen of pop (I wonder if she will ever be in the same trouble as the king) know that she is your everything. The reason that you get up and get out of bed in the morning, or afternoon if you are Yarsh on a weekend, the reason that you love life, the reason that you feel like you can truly live life freely… ect. Follow this up by telling her that fate brought us together today and I would just love to get one picture with the woman who means so very very much to me. Of course she agrees to the photo opp (who could turn down such a stalking… I mean adoring fan?) and just as the flash bulbs are breaking you plant a huge kiss on her, then watch for your face to turn up on next weeks PEOPLE magazine with the headline reading something like; Britney’s New Love or Look Who The Real Father Is.

B: You go into the toy store and grab something stupid, like those “toys” that are nothing but twisted wires and plastic airplanes that just go back and forth, and tell her that this toy meant a lot to you as a kid and that you daughter Britney can not stop playing with it at home. She smiles at you to which you respond, “I named my daughter after you.” No doubt Britney responds with a. “That is so sweet.” (You know that every bone in her body is thinking, stalker, but she smiles and calls you sweet.) Ask Brit (By now we are good enough friends that I call her Brit And she calls me babe) if she could do me one small favor, “Would you name your kid after me? I mean I named my daughter after you, it’s only fair that you should do this for me.” This is where I would love to hear her try and nicely tell you no.

C: You finish eating lunch and see a bunch of excrement (my term of endearment for paparazzi) taking pictures of someone who you soon find out is none other than Britney Spears, you drool over the excrement’s cameras and then get in your car and drive to Mesa to help a friend move.

Alright you decide what you would have done.

Post it on the fridge, this is a good one.

2005-04-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

Have you ever truly wondered what the world would be like without the influence of peers? Before you so quickly jump at this, think about it, I am not talking about peer pressure. Peer pressure generally involves some (insert synonym for JackAss here) trying to convince you that the previous umpteen years of your life are worth less because you have been without (insert what that slang term for donkey is trying to get you to take). Peer influence is more the little things in life, such as movies music and........ movies. Think about it how many times have you seen a comedy movie that was not as funny as you led yourself and others to believe just because everyone else said it was funny. Still not flowing with me? Hence example 1: Napoleon Dynamite. I know what you’re saying, "Oh my God he is not going to try and take credit away from the funniest movie ever, Gosh, what is he retarded!" (I am under the agreeance with Paul Shirley that the exclamation point is the most overused punctuation mark. So it shall only be used for points of true emphasis.) Yes I am going to take away from that movie. First I saw it three times in theaters, the first of which occurred after 2........ (What’s the word for friends that are not really your friends....... no not acquaintances......) "buddies" that said Napoleon Dynamite was "The funniest movie they had ever seen." I saw it and laughed, but not that good Dumb and Dumber laughing, that Hot Shots Part Duex laughing. You know, the one where you laugh and yet kind of look around and make sure everyone else thought it was funny and worth a laugh, and from there the laughter grows because everyone now is laughing at each other and not what truly made them grin in the first place. This I shall now call the Napoleon Dynamite Effect (N.D.E.)

Easily the funniest part of the movie was the very end (for those who have not seen the movie this spoils nothing as it is impossible to spoil a movie about nothing.) where he is break dancing at the school assembly. This is a genuinely funny moment (G.F.M.), More than likely because we all are either the school nerd who actually was faced with that situation, or you knew the school nerd and flashed back, like Vietnam, to your school days and re-lived the moment. Outside of that one G.F.M. the rest of the film is filled with bad acting, pointless direction, and Mormon cussing (which is only funny if you are close friends with a Mormon). Still I saw this "movie" three times in theaters because I bought into the chants and memorizing phrases of "funniest movie ever." Only after I bought the movie on DVD and sat and watched the movie ALONE in my room, did I come to the realization that I got fooled into seeing it three times in theaters and buying it on DVD all because some "buddy" of mine who's movie review I for some reason, unbeknownst to me, respected.

Here’s where this is coming from, three days ago I saw the movie Never Been Thawed (N.B.T.), a local budget film that has been dubbed "This years Napoleon Dynamite!" Jumping out of my comfortable bed at the ridiculously early hour of 11 am on Monday I ran to the local Harkins and sat ALONE in the theater and watched N.B.T. The plot of the movie was a group of people collect frozen entree' as a hobby, and on the side the lead character is the front man for a Christian rock band. If that does not strike you as hilarious I don not know what will. The movie turns out to be a poorly filmed extremely budgeted movie making fun of the hypocrisy of Christians and the lameness of collecting things. In it' lone G.F.M. a mom introduces her boy scout son to a deaf man and informs the ill hearing man that her son needs to learn sign language for boy scouts to earn a badge and she wants him to learn from someone who is actually deaf. She queries the man to see if he would help her son, to which he looks up at the kid raises his middle finger and says. "(insert non Mormon cuss word for what only moms and dads are supposed to do) YOU!" The rest of the movie hardly got a laugh out of me. I truly genuinely fear the N.D.E. (see above) to kick in for this movie. I fear those "buddies" in all of our lives who will see this movie and say it is the funniest movie ever, and fool you into actually believing it is. I will say this, the review got it right, it is this years Napoleon Dynamite, I just do not think they mean that in the same light as I do.

Stay tuned, as soon I will blog about how non conformist are truly more conformist than the ones that are conforming.